


Loud are the whispers

by Luminimanoise



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Glenn Fraldarius Lives, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Recovery, Reunions, Seeing a ghost of a loved one, Temporary Character Death, The next tag is a spoiler, but Felix suddenly doesn't?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22722865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luminimanoise/pseuds/Luminimanoise
Summary: That night the castle walls heard many screams and wails. For friends, lovers, parents, and siblings, lost in the freezing waters.Glenn woke up to the sweet smell of lavender.Dimitri never went to sleep in the first place.Sylvain slept through the night peacefully.Each of the men got a new ghost that night. And the stone castle looked on, not unkindly.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 113





	1. A friend, long lost and forgotten

The war had come to an end and gave way to more peaceful times, the same way the snow melts, letting grass and flowers grow. The Kingdom of Fearghus could finally start rebuilding and repairing what had been broken, shattered, destroyed. There was so much work that even years later people struggled. But they struggled together and maybe that wasn't such a bad fate.

Sunlight was streaming through one of the royal castle's windows, into the bedroom, warming up two bodies lying under thick covers and furs. Spring had started already, first leaves were decorating trees, most of the birds came back from Alliance to their previous nests in the nooks of the city walls, and people were leaving their warm houses to walk among the vendors in the streets. That didn't mean any higher temperatures, unfortunately. The cold was always around, uncomfortably creating a layer of imaginary frost on the skin, hair, clothes, and yet, Sylvain had never felt warmer than in Felix's arms at that moment. 

They had a whole day ahead of them, filled to the brim with meetings, treaties talks, going through piles of documents that needed signing, but nobody would blame them if they missed breakfast. Sylvain knew that the man next to him would need to get up soon, move sore muscles, maybe go for a quick sword sparring with some poor soul he would find on the training grounds. But for now, he was sleeping next to him, arms cradling the back of Sylvain's head, pulling him into his chest. Their legs intertwined around midnight and, even when Sylvain had lost feeling in one of them, he didn't dare to move. It was far too great. 

He could only sigh, content, and snuggle closer. _Just five more minutes_ , he thought sleepily, closing his eyes, and soon dozed off accompanied by the sound of Felix's even breathing.

What woke him up were sobs tearing apart his throat, choking him so much he had to jump out of bed just to stop feeling as if he was suffocating. Covers were sticking to his skin with sweat, coiling around his middle and thighs. There was no way he was getting out of this embrace safely. And so he crashed to the ground. It was hard enough it would leave bruises, blooming black and blue. 

Yet nothing could hurt him more than that cruel fate life wrote for them, so he just sobbed harder and hid away. Just for five more minutes.

Sylvain's ass hurt and not in a fun way. They were getting back from an inspection down the south, something about Riva's problem with sowing that year. Last winter really did a number of them, so they had to get ready to take in as many people as possible into the capital, and take care of destroyed lands. 

They'd been riding horses for a whole day and night, and Dimitri just didn't want to take a break. He was getting meaner and meaner ever since he'd become the king and Sylvain didn't know if he should be proud or concerned. Everyone else said it's just him being annoying when he asked.

"Don't act like this." Dimitri sighed, riding next to him. "We should be there in two hours, there's no reason to rest now."

That was mostly true. During the night they were getting through the woods, dark and moist, with occasional swamp here and there. Moon didn't exactly help much. Trees had already sprouted leaves and yet snow still was covering the ground with big heaps of white fluff. But Sylvain didn't complain- it was decorating a somewhat bare view. It made it less boring, which that trip already was. 

The night had been nothing but annoying though. One of the soldier's horses stepped into a swamp of mud, and getting him out took much more energy than needed, but now, when the morning came and the sun illuminated their way, it was almost nice. Easy like a walk in the park.

"I've spent the last eight years in a saddle and even I'm worn out. Think about our soldiers! Look how tired they look!" he pointed behind them, at the moderate soldier squad. Most of the people rolled their eyes, someone chuckled in the back.

"You will manage, Sylvain." Dimitri reached out towards him and patted his shoulder. "I believe in you."

Sylvain had some witty words at the end of his tongue, but then a sound of a freed arrow whistled through the trees. He moved instantly, catching the reigns of Dimitri's horse, only the demanding training with his horse saved him from falling off, and tugged harshly. It neighed, clearly surprised, but skipped closer obediently. 

An arrow with a dull thud embedded itself into a shield of one of their men. 

"Nice catch!" Sylvain called out, but his eyes were already scanning the terrain. The forest around them seemed far too tranquil, too quiet. Of course it was no good! He just _had_ to make the noise himself! With a curse on his lips, he gestured for everyone to pick up the speed. If they managed to get out of the woods they'd get some advantage. 

The next six arrows missed horribly, or just nicked their armor. Something was wrong. These guys couldn't suck that badly. Even boys at the city square, roughly five to ten in age, that Dimitri schooled from time to time, had better accuracy. 

Sylvain was too preoccupied with his thoughts, and all the strategies going through his mind, to notice a man hanging from one of the highest branches of the oak they were galloping under in time. The man jumped down, colliding with Dimitri, and sent them both sprawling to the ground. 

"Fuck." 

Some soldiers stopped immediately, enraged noises coming from their throats. One after the other, they started dismounting their horses, just to get the man off their king. The two of them were currently battling in a pile of snow, but Sylvain wasn't too worried. Dimitri was clearly winning. So instead, he chose to stay alert and looked around for more threats lurking in the shadows of the morning sun. 

There was a child sitting in the crown of a birch-tree, still thinking it was hidden safe and sound there. The really-bad-at-archery guy was squatting on a low hill, a couple of yards away. His face was that of horror and unrestrained panic for some reason.

Just those three. There didn't seem to be anyone else. Weird. Normally, former empire soldiers, that stood in opposition to the peace treaty, would march in dozens of people. Almost small armies. Three guys who couldn't even keep a stick steady in their arms, like the kid in the tree was clearly trying to, couldn't be much of fighters. What was going on? 

Judging by the grunts behind him, Dimitri finished up his job by pining the man to the ground. Soldiers, who to this moment just watched, jumped at the opportunity to bind him tightly with ropes, already singing praises for their king. Dimitri, sweet and awkward Dimitri, moved to stand further away, not wanting to intrude. 

One of the bushes rustled suddenly and Sylvain moved his horse to cover the king. Just in case. 

But it was just a short figure, slowly walking towards them, hands up, trying to seem as non-threatening as possible. That mystery person was cloaked in a dark, tight outfit with some elements of a mismatched armor. It was obviously taken off of soldiers' corpses on the battlefield, mixing styles from all three nations. Their face was hidden behind a purple mask, but the hair, dark and put up in a tight ponytail with a fringe in front, swayed freely in the wind.

Their walk was somewhat familiar, Sylvain thought. Something in the way they moved their hips and took cautious steps without it seeming forced reminded him of Felix. 

Man, he really wanted to hurry home to Felix. 

"Can I ask you to let this idiot go?" the person asked, voice low and tired. "We mean you no harm."

"Uh-huh. Clearly." 

"Dylan wanted to... prove himself. He worked without the approval of the leaders." even with the mask on, their gaze made tied up Dylan shrink with shame. "We've got info about the empire rebels going this way. I knew it was too good to be true." they sighed and turned to look at the group. "You wear the Kingdom colors, I can only assume you're ambassadors? Forgive us for this blatant lack of restraint. It will be taken care of."

"Oh, I see." Dimitri's eyes lighted up in recognition. "You're that... group, that helped us during some of the battles at the southern front. I recognize the sign on your chest plate." he knocked his palm on his own chest in emphasis. Indeed, there was a black symbol painted with some old paint, flecks falling down, almost making the sign unrecognizable. "I have never been given the opportunity to thank you properly for what you've done for my country at the time of the need when I wasn't... able to." his voice cracked slightly, but only Sylvain, with years of expertise, could hear that. "Please, accept my thanks. If you wish to call upon your brothers in arms and join us on the way to Fhirdiad, you will be greeted with honors and given many prizes for your bravery."

"Wait a minute. He was chocking you. Just now. A moment ago?"

"A friendly spar." Dimitri smiled goodnaturedly.

"You were almost shot."

"An accident." 

The person huffed amused and seemingly ignored their conversation. 

"It wasn't for some- wait." they put down their hands and slowly turned to face Dimitri fully. When they spoke again, their voice was raspy. "Your country?"

Dimitri seemed a little confused at the question. That was what staying in Capital for so long did to you.

"Well, yes. I'm-" 

"Hey!" Sylvain tried to stop him, _who the hell tells some stranger in the woods they're the king?_

"-Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd." ignoring Sylvain, he bowed slightly, wanting to show respect. "At your service."

"You're at no one's service." It was enough. Sylvain had to get down his horse and start taking care of this mess of a situation. If anything disastrous happened Dedue would kill him. Felix too. 

Actually, the whole former class of Blue lions would gang on him so...

"Dimitri? Is it truly you?" the voice asked and when the man nodded, bewildered, the figure took off their mask. 

It took a while to recognize the person in front of them, but when Sylvain did, it felt as if the world under his feet shifted suddenly. He was never sure, memories from childhood too blurry and overshadowed by the misery to see the pictures clearly, but Felix really did look like his older brother. 

Their posture, the shape of their faces, color and structure of hair, were exactly the same. Just eyes were of different shape and hue, Felix's more golden, Glenn's duller. Besides that, Glenn was covered with scars, from the forearms Sylvain could see above his gloves, to face, full of burns, scratches, and healed cuts. One went through his eye, closing it forever. Most of Felix's scars were hidden beneath his clothes.

Sylvain risked a glance at Dimitri. Between the two of them, he would be more rattled, right? After all, didn't Glenn die in front of him?

But no, Dimitri looked completely at ease. 

"So that is your face. If I could get your name next, that would be splendid," he said instead, a small smile gracing his lips. 

That made Sylvain take a double-take. He threw a look at 'Glenn' standing mere meters away from them again. The poor guy looked so confused. 

But no, who else could it be? Sylvain was twelve already at the time of the Tragedy of Duscur and now seeing that face before him once more unlocked what he wanted to forget. Glenn looked older, that was sure, more grim and tired. Wrinkles on his face more prominent now, but nope, it was still Glenn. Who else would be able to copy his whole... demeanor? The exaggerated tilt of his eyebrows, blank look on his face sometimes changing to a frown, and even rarer, to a half-smile? Who would even dare to try and copy him?

Sylvain had never seen him so distressed though. 

"I..." Glenn started, but words seemed to leave him. The three of them stood awkwardly in a circle, looking really lost as to what was happening. All three of them had different reasons, but still... Their subordinates, who were still surrounding them, started shifting on their feet, looking anywhere but at them. They listened though, Sylvain knew.

"Okay, I think that's it for the moment. Let's take a break here. We've been riding through a clearing somewhere near here, so go there and- do something." he pointed in the general direction and when nobody moved he sharply nodded his head. Only then the group of soldiers started to disperse, muttering something about unfairness. Even Glenn's little friends took the hint. 

Dimitri glanced at him, lost. 

"I... understand. It's been a very long time after all." Glenn said. Sylvain remembered how he used to act when they were younger, all proper and calm like ice on the lake, so he wasn't surprised when Glenn started talking with a gentle tone, hiding his hurt away so that it wouldn't hurt anyone else. "I served you and your father for a couple of years, as a Royal Guard-"

"Your Highness, you can't seriously tell me you don't remember Glenn."

A silence fell over them, one Sylvain hadn't experienced in a long time. Suffocating and heavy. Almost as if time stopped passing by them. 

"Wait." Dimitri shook his head and held up one of his hands. "Are you seeing Glenn too?"

"I mean- Yeah."

"That means you are...?" he asked Glenn this time, gesturing at him.

"Glenn Aidan Fraldarius. I'm at your-"

Before he got to finish the sentence Dimitri pounced and in a crushing hug lifted him up. Even though Sylvain was overjoyed himself, getting an old and forgotten friend back, he had to wince. Goddess, he could hear Glenn's ribs crack under the pressure of Dimitri's happiness. 

They were just two hours away from the city and yet they chose to stay the night at the clearing in the moist forest. What they needed weren't comfortable beds in an inn, but time to talk, to catch up, to clear all that had been muddled by secrets and unlucky events. It couldn't be done in the span of a couple of hours, but they weren't worried about that. After all, Glenn agreed to come back to Fhirdiad with them. 

Sylvain couldn't contain himself. With constant thoughts about how happy Felix and Ingrid would be swirling in his head, he couldn't calm down. Oh, he was so excited to just- ride into the city with Glenn in tow and show him off and look at their faces lighting up upon seeing him.

Speaking of Glenn, he really didn't change that much. Still slightly grumpy and hard to read, but he seemed to find some sort of peace with all that had happened, from the Tragedy to the war. Dimitri informed him of his father's passing, but even that he'd already known. 

"It's been years by now, Dima. Stop blaming yourself. I'm sure he wouldn't." he murmured quietly, in a soft voice. Sad but hopeful. 

Apparently, after the Tragedy of Duscur, Glenn was saved by Duscur's citizens fleeing their homes. There was a small group that survived and, with the help of people from the neighbor village, got to cross the border to Sreng. They took him with them, knowing there would be no one to come back looking for him in that place once called Duscur. He balanced on the brink of life and death for months before his state stabilized. But once he woke up-

"After what had happened in Duscur the security tightened to the extreme and I couldn't cross the border again. They wouldn't look at any requests. I wrote so many formal letters, but I suspect none of them were received by anyone in power. Besides, scaling that wall in my state was impossible then and with how my knee is currently it would be impossible now too." he shook his leg slightly but stopped when the grimace of pain crossed his face.

"Then how are you back here?" Sylvain asked, already half lying on his cot. Sunset was hours ago and he was tired. They'd lost so much time talking about stupid stuff, for example, dealing with a group of teenage rebels. Was it in Garrech Mach or the woods, it seemed similar enough.

"The war. Once it started there was a need for more soldiers in the south, not in the north. So I grabbed some trustful people and we landed in the middle of a snowstorm in the Gautier territory." he glanced at Sylvain, teasing expression on his face. The redhead shrugged, it wasn't his fault. "The rebels helped us out so we joined. It was going to be just for a short while, I wanted to come back and see the situation for myself but... it was far worse than I anticipated. And with you gone," Glenn turned to Dimitri, nothing but kindness in his voice. "It was going to get much worse. So we fought for the Kingdom where you couldn't and we were looking all over for you. I'm still impressed by how swiftly were you able to lose us."

Dimitri coughed in his fist, embarrassed. 

"Not my greatest moment. But I found my way home after... quite some time, but I did. Why not then?"

"Final battle was in the air, everybody knew. It was far better for me to stay where I was, try to control what was out of your grasp." 

Dimitri was already nodding with sympathy even before Glenn finished, but for Sylvain, it almost sounded like-

"How's Fellie?"

Sylvain choked with laughter on the sip of water he just took, sputtering it on himself and probably spitting some of it on Glenn's face. Dimitri didn't make the situation any better, an expression of amusement fighting honest fear on his face, as if he couldn't believe what he'd just heard.

"I have completely forgotten that's how you called Felix. I'm-" he said somewhat faint. "That's-"

"Sothis, it's the most hilarious thing I've heard in a long time." Sylvain snickered, still on his cot, not caring about water running down his chin. "I would warn you not to ever call him that but at the same time I want to see his reaction _so_ bad. What to do-"

Glenn was looking at them with suspicion for the whole time but at that, his head tilted, like one of an eagle seeing its prey.

"What do you mean?" he asked harshly. 

"...you do know he just turned 25, right?"

"I do! Ugh, just tell me."

Dimitri let Sylvain have that. His relationship with Felix was still strained even if they tried to work on it, so if there was anyone who could tell Glenn about Felix, it had to be Sylvain. Of course, omitting some... stuff. It wasn't the time nor the place to have that conversation. About how badly he took Glenn's death, about his whole personality changing almost overnight from grief and sorrow, about the unfortunate habits he still worked on. About his engagement with Sylvain.

"Ah, yes. It is truly a blessing we were reunited now. You wouldn't want to miss Felix's wedding." Dimitri said suddenly, cutting off Sylvain in the middle of a story where Felix was chopping some fruit with his sword. He remembered Flayn couldn't contain her laugh.

Glenn blinked owlishly at them.

"A what?"

The only thing Sylvain could do was to look at Dimitri hopelessly and the man had the audacity to smile at him, politely and proper, his eyes disappearing into slits. What a bastard, he knew what he was doing. Meaner and meaner. 

Glenn was staring at the exchange one moment and the next he was tackling Sylvain to his improvised bed.

"Gautier, you-!"

Their laughter, in which even soldiers joined in, echoed throughout the woods for the whole night. 

Saying goodbye, even if only a temporary one, to his friends from the rebel group, was sad. Glenn hadn't expected to get so tangled up with them all for it to hurt so much. The three of them were to go back with the invitation to Fhirdiad for their leaders. They could do it alone because even if they weren't the most skilled bunch, they could sneak like no one else. Glenn knew, he taught them himself.

Everyone knew that it wasn't his place- a rebel camp in the forest. No. His place was by his King's side, inside the Royal castle. The plan was always to come back there and his superiors were well aware of that. That information was just a fact nobody would be surprised at. 

And the war ended three years earlier. Besides some skirmishes with the enemy fraction, there wasn't much to do anymore. Maybe they could help the rebuilding, like everyone else. Maybe they could go back to their former lives. 

Maybe he could go find his place in his own former life. He wasn't stupid enough to dream for everything to go back to what it once was, but maybe some optimistic outlook wouldn't hurt him from time to time.

Fhirdiad looked almost the same he remembered, but the atmosphere was different. More carefree, light. He could still see wounds of the city: walls torn down, buildings without roofs or glass in windows, fountains and statues, once polished, now crushed and defeated. 

But people seemed genuinely happy. When their group was riding through the main street, vendors would leave their stalls to come closer and welcome their king and his soldiers. Some girl threw an apple at Glenn's head with a small wave of a hand when he looked at her. Clientele too was clapping happily. Someone in the crowd whistled. 

"I see your reign is already being written down as promising." he mused, riding close to Dimitri. 

"I still have many things to atone for, but the truth is I try and have a group of amazing people by my side to help. You will see, someday this city, and the whole Kingdom, will once more be beautiful."

"I think it already is."

Dimitri just chuckled under his breath. 

"People of this country are the most adaptable people I have ever seen. I'm very lucky to be their king."

The castle was as impressive as it had been when Glenn saw it at the age of 6 when his father took him there for the first time. Massive, white, bright, with high towers touching the sky and a great gate which, in the opposition to his memories, was wide open and welcoming. He told himself a million times he wouldn't cry. He reminded himself once more, but his eyes already got misty.

But this- this was his home for as long as he could remember. He trained there, at that courtyard, with his dear friends, long time dead and buried. He slept on that patch of green, next to the stables, when he should be on duty. On that roof, he held hands with his first love, but it was so long ago he couldn't even remember who it was anymore. 

In the present, the whole place was cold, as if winter froze it over and didn't leave yet. Which was true, but- but Glenn felt at home. For the first time in years, he felt at home. When he got down his horse all of the burdens he carried with him seemed to disappear. He knew it wasn't forever. Just a moment of peace. The calm before the storm. And yet-

The back door, that he remembered led to the kitchen, opened and out walked a woman. Blond hair cut short, a Royal guard uniform pristine. She called out to Dimitri and Sylvain with poorly masked anger and started down the stairs to get to them. And then she caught sight of him, her steps faltering. 

Glenn was already embarrassed he could not recognize Sylvain, who no longer looked lost and miserable, and Dimitri, who- well, had completely changed. But he would be even more ashamed if he wasn't able to recognize Ingrid. 

Because of their betrothal, they got to spent a lot of time together when they were younger, and she grew to be one of his closest confidants and best friends. He wasn't worthy of her affection and friendship anymore, he knew, but still, his heart yearned for the bond they'd once shared. 

Sylvain opened his mouth and Glenn wanted to slap a hand over it, not to let him say a word in this heavy atmosphere even if he looked as if he wanted to say something helpful and sincere for once. Just- no.

But before anyone could react Ingrid skipped a couple of steps, missed the last one and stumbled slightly before throwing herself into his arms. Her fingers tightened dangerously in his hair, but he didn't dare move.

"I'm-"

"No. I don't care for now. I don't care. Just- just let me have this. For a moment." she said, voice wavering around the edges. 

He nodded, how could he disagree? and caught Dimitri and Sylvain staring at them with glee from the side. It almost felt as if they were children again, teasing one another and laughing at nonsense. The one thing that picture lacked was a man with hair the same as his, rolling his eyes at them with poorly hidden amusement. Apparently, that was something he would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed my work ^^


	2. And that was all

As it was, Glenn would have to wait a little while longer before seeing Felix because, just a day after Sylvain and Dimitri's departure, he was sent on one of the routine missions. He and a small squad of soldiers went to see how the repairing of a bridge in the east was going. Small groups of bandits were raiding it from time to time, more for their own amusement, if laughter and frecuency were anything to go by, than actual need, which caused workers to refuse working. Staying there could cost them much more than a fee from Royal Administration office.

One of the guard captains laughed that normally it would take them around two weeks to get it done, but since Duke Fraldarius himself went with soldiers they would probably see them back before the week's end. 

"Did Fellie really become so... responsible?" Glenn asked no one in particular on the fourth day. They, which meant Dimitri and Ingrid, had send the information about him to all of their friends and even though not all could come personally, everyone expressed their happiness. Annette and Mercedes sent a beautifully ornamented letter, written in cursive, with the back full of cat doodles, looking as if a child drew them. They wished him all the best and hoped to meet him as soon as it was possible. Glenn could see why Felix had a soft spot for these two with how warm and cute the letter seemed. They even scented it with a sweet smell of wild flowers. 

"Felix always was responsible," replied Ashe, sitting on the other couch and looking through his notebook. "Not a lot of people could see that, I think."

"I would not call it... that," said Dedue. The man was tending to the small collection of plants on the windowsill of the room they were in. It was going to be Glenn's office once he'd get back into the ranks.

Dedue and Ashe he'd met personally, on the second day. Ashe was very excited, but trying to hide it, Dedue stoic, but clearly happy seeing his friends' joy. After some time the man tugged him away from the others and thanked him for taking care of Dimitri during his childhood and the Tragedy. Someone else would maybe feel weirded out by that, but Glenn understood sentiment completely. He too expressed his gratitude for having stayed at Dimitri's side when he wasn't able to. 

It started awkward, trying to steer the conversation with Dedue, but once Glenn started his tale of traveling with Duscur people, Dedue's eyes brightened instantly and his voice grown higher a notch when he was asking questions about his people. They sat for hours on a couch, in one of the living rooms, exchanging stories. 

Finally, Ashe came and tugged on Dedue's arm. 

"It's really late. We should go already."

"You're always welcome here," Dimitri said from the other couch, where he was preoccupied with talking with Ingrid and Sylvain. 

"Do you want to stay or should we head home?"

"Ah. I lost the track of time. I'm sorry, my heart." 

Ashe expression grew even fonder and he smiled with an understanding.

"Really, beds here are horrendous." he giggled at an offended scoff from behind him. "But I can take it for one night. Stay and talk, but I'm going to sleep." he gave him one last kiss and waved at Glenn then turned for the night.

It was... nice. They were good people. Felix's family.

"I wouldn't say 'responsible' but I can't really call it 'reckless' either? Remember when he wanted to fight me after I did that stunt with archers in the- was it the second year? third? Either way, I had a broken collarbone and he totally wanted to deck me." Sylvain sighed, joining the conversation. 

The flow of conversation changed its topic towards 'stupid shit Sylvain did during the war' so Glenn put his question on a small shelf in his mind, for later, next to all of the others. He looked around.

All of those kids he'd taken care of before, all his friends, chose such a great group of people to befriend and call family. He couldn't be more proud. And the last element of a puzzle just had to come home already. 

He remembered Fellie as this small, weak, and snotty kid, clinging to him all the time, tugging on his clothes and leaving tear tracks wherever he went. The last time he'd seen him he was ten, still a small thing, curled up in his lap with a face pinched in sadness. Glenn had caused it. But he had to leave, there was no other way. 

And there were only two days left if believing the captain was a good idea. That night, on the fourth day, Glenn closed his eyes lying in his bed and thought that maybe things could be resolved, somehow, after all. He would have a lot of atonement to do, towards everyone he let down. Towards his King, his friends, his father, his little brother. He would have to pay for what he'd done, and even if Fellie never spoke a word to him ever again, just knowing he was safe and happy would be enough. 

With all those people Felix was happy. And he would stay that way. 

In the summer there would be a wedding, small and private with only friends and family present. Dimitri would lead Felix down the isle, Ingrid would lead Sylvain. The man called Seteth would probably act as a priest and call upon them to read their vows, no doubt filled with warm memories and promises of love, and then pronounce them husbands, joined forever in the eyes of the goddess and citizens of Fódlan. There would be a dinner, maybe some dancing.

They will have to organize a second wedding too, more formal and official, for the people of the Kingdom. Open for everyone. It would continue for days on end, in the castle, in the streets, on the square, wherever possible, because people loved them.

Glenn was fine with watching from afar. 

"Sir Glenn? If you could follow me to the throne room?" was how one of the servants greeted him on the morning of the fifth day. He was just finishing getting ready for the day when a man walked unceremoniously into his room and ushered him outside. Glenn didn’t want to miss his brother getting back, so he followed without a complaint.

He finished doing up his buttons while walking, one of the maids let him borrow a ribbon to braid his hair. He looked... alright. Not like a knight, just like a brother going to greet his sibling after a long time. It was normal, right? There was no... set of rules to that that he wasn’t aware of?

Chatter seemed even louder in the halls than any previous morning. Maids and servants alike were standing around in small groups, gossiping about goddess knew what- just shapeless echoes reached Glenn's ears. He faught a yawn, taking the last turn, and slid into the throne room.

The main hall was empty, not a soul in sight, but servant leading him pointed into the direction of Dimitri's personal office, the door hidden behind the throne. The man himself didn't move.

"Thank you," Glenn said, taking cautious steps forward. The man bowed and disappeared. 

Glenn walked up to the door and was going to knock when he heard some noise. Nothing weird, they were waiting for him, of course they talked. But what wasn't normal was that he could hear only whispers and shushing, very close to the door. Basically on the other side. Whoever talked, they didn’t want their words to carry. Desperation, irritation and a lot of concern laced their voices.

Glenn opened the door. 

Dimitri's office wasn't very big. Most of the nobles would feel offended if they were assigned a room like this, but Glenn could see Dimitri already made it his own. It was cozy, walls painted with warm colors, and fur on the stone floor. There was an old couch, under a big window covered with a purple drape, and a giant oak desk full of papers, looking as if someone tried to tear them to shreds. And near the window, so that the sunlight could illuminate it, was a portrait of a woman in a white uniform of a church and minty hair, smiling slightly at the painter. 

Ingrid jumped away from the door, surprised, and knocked into Dimitri who was standing next to her. Both of their eyes widened when they saw him. Ingrid's with panic, Dimitri’s just looked haunted. 

"Good morning," Glenn greeted, closing the door. The thought that the click of a lock sounded final crossed his mind.

"Yes, good morning. Have you slept well?" Ingrid asked, her voice gentle. Without waiting for his answer, she took him and Dimitri under the arms, and lead them to the couch. _Something must have happened_ , Glenn thought when she pushed tea into his hands. It smelled of chamomile and honey, but even that didn’t stop his nerves from tingling unpleasantly. 

Once he got a chance to look around, he saw Sylvain on the armchair by the desk. He wasn't sitting, he was practically sinking into it, arms open and falling from armrests, legs straight in front of him. He was tilting his head backward and staring at the ceiling, unblinkingly. His right hand was playing with something, gripping and loosening around whatever it held. It gleamt in the sun, probably a piece of jewelry.

"Sylvain?" Glenn asked, but the man didn't look at him. He barely hummed in response. 

For a moment nothing else was heard, but this low hum spreading throughout the room. 

No one spoke. 

The heart in Glenn's chest started beating far too fast, pumping blood into his veins and yet it felt as if his limbs fell asleep. The cup in his hands remained unmoving.

"Is it-?" he asked, but didn't finish the question. He couldn't. That would speed up the process of knowing. And he already guessed. He felt it in his gut, his mind. He knew what was going to be said even before Sylvain spoke up.

"Felix is dead," he said, but it sounded as if he himself was asking. As if he could not believe. As if he did not dare. 

Before he could drop the cup, Glenn put it down with a clunk on a windowsill.

"What happened?"

Ingrid averted her eyes while Dimitri wasn't looking at him from the very beginning, fiddling with his fingers instead. She cast him a glance and poked him in the arm to get his attention. 

"Ah, I'm sorry. I got lost in- thought. It's just- Sorry, Glenn. I'm really sorry. I am so-"

"What happened?" he asked again, this time not letting Ingrid deflect. She was the only one in the room keeping it together and he had to know. He had to. It couldn't be true, Sylvain was a dramatic bastard and that was all. Felix was hurt, gravely maybe. He had to know.

She sighed and sat on the armrest of a couch, leaning into him heavily. 

"Just an hour ago a messenger reached the capital. A messenger that was sent after Felix the same day you came back. We wanted to haste him to finish the job quicker or leave the soldiers to take care of it instead. We wanted you two to reunite again. It wouldn't be pretty." she said, her hand mussing his hair. "It wouldn't be, but maybe you could have more time to work on it. Maybe Felix would be calmer after some exercise and not after months of being holed up in the castle."

"That was unnecessary, but-"

"The same man came back today. He was a witness to one of the raids on the bridge. He's too shaken to describe everything in great detail but one thing is... clear. We suspect it all was done especially to bait someone of a higher status in the military and get rid of the threat. And believe me, Felix isn't easy to overpower, but this time it was simply- it was simply too much. They were defeated. The bridge burned down. No one survived, Glenn."

Sylvain stood up, tense like a bowstring ready to shot an arrow, and with fast steps walked up to the desk and grabbed the papers. 

"Wait, what-"

"That's the written report of- Sylvain!" Ingrid left his side to run up to the man who threw the papers in the fireplace and then with a guilty expression reached towards them to pull them out. She hugged him around the waist to keep him from hurting himself further and even when he tried to fight her, she stood her ground. "Goddess, Sylvain! Keep a hold of yourself!"

"A hold of myself? Ha!" he laughed, hysterically and loud. Glenn could feel Dimitri flinch next to him. The same way the noise was bouncing off the walls and circling them, the flinch echoed in Glenn's ribcage. The laughter stopped abruptly. "I have to go there. I have to see it. No way Felix would die because of some pathetic bandits. No way. Your idiot messenger just pissed himself at the first sign of danger and fled! And now he's telling such a- a lie. It-"

"Sylvain, we had already sent out scouts. They will manage the situation and come back with a report, but Alfred is a loyal man. His information was never wrong during the war. We have no reason not to trust his words. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now even though I also loved Felix but this isn't-"

"I have to agree with Sylvain." 

Every head turned towards Glenn, who still sat on the couch. His position didn't change at all, but now he was looking into Sylvain's eyes, determination bright and sure. 

"Let's go. I have to see too. He's a Fraldarius, I believe in his abilities to avoid death." he chuckled darkly and humorless. "Let's saddle our horses, let's go!

But once they arrived the grass was churned, the bridge gone, half of the forest had been turned to ash and dispelled by the wind. And the water in the river had turned crimson with the blood of fallen soldiers, who wouldn't even get a proper burial, their bodies drowned or taken far far away, deep into the country. Some speculated they would rest at the bottom of Teutates lake. Little shrines already sprang at its coast like mushrooms after heavy rain. 

One of the soldiers walked up to them after quite some time, during which their group just stared, hearts bleeding and thoughts muddled, and laid a sword by their feet. Glenn felt his eyes focus on it automatically even if focusing on anything else but the gaping hole in his chest was hard to manage. It was beautiful. Truly beautiful. Thin and bright, delicate and elegant, but Glenn was sure it could decapitate a man without any trouble. Intricate carvings of flowers ornated the blade. Whoever forged it wanted to show off, clearly.

 _Or the person who ordered it_ , thought Glenn, looking with sadness at Sylvain who fell to his knees and carefully hugged the sword to his chest. _Ah._

So, that was the end. There was no Felix anymore. His little brother had joined their parents at the goddess's side and Glenn was the only one left behind in the world of the living.

Sylvain trembled and was trying to even his breathing, not standing up from the ground. Glenn could hear Ingrid sniffling quietly behind him, gripping his coat with trembling fingers, and could see Dimitri shivering even though it wasn't even that cold. And yet he felt nothing. Some fondness towards the three of them, maybe, swirled in his heart.

Fellie's rest would be eternal, at the bottom of a lake or a river. There would be a memorial organized by the villagers at the Teutates lake, and he would go there, of course. He would go there to comfort his friends. Say the last goodbye and bury his brother.

And that would be that. That would be all. 

Glenn put his arm around Ingrid and tugged Dimitri closer by his cape to pet his back reassuringly. They could only look as Sylvain stilled and after a moment of silence got to his feet, sword dangling uselessly at his side.

"I'm going back," he said and turned around. He looked on edge, dangerous almost, even though his eyes were red-rimmed. Ingrid reached out to try and stop him from doing...whatever he set out to do. Glenn would bet on getting shit-faced, maybe murdering someone, judging by the look in his eyes. Sylvain passed by them, slapping Ingrid's hand away harshly, to get to his horse. He didn't wait for them. 

One of the soldiers tried to get closer, probably with a report, but Glenn just shook his head at him. It could wait. His friends were already exhausted and he couldn't stand seeing them this way. His heart hurt weirdly, with worry, he assumed, so he steered them away towards a tent put up for soldiers taking care of that case.

They could rest there and then go back home. There were many things to do, with one of the major political figures gone, but he would help them get back on their feet. It was the only thing he could do and something he owed them after abandoning them for so many years. He would not slack. 

When they were leaving Glenn didn't turn back to look at the river again.

He could still hear its hum far into the night. 

That night the castle walls heard many screams and wails. They sank into the stone walls, to be kept a secret through the centuries, as long as the castle stood. Laid to rest as many soldiers lost to the incident.

Glenn woke up to the sweet smell of lavender lingering in the air and a memory of a lullaby, fresh in his mind. 

Dimitri never went to sleep in the first place, pacing his office for the hundredth time. Waiting for revenge to come and claim him. 

Sylvain slept through the night peacefully. A slender hand was caressing his hair, whispering old stories from above him. Only in the morning did the reality hit him again.

Each of the men got a new ghost that night. And the stone castle looked on, not unkindly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!


	3. Nothing was there

The tradition said that a warrior should be buried with their weapon, so it may lead them in the afterlife. Keep them safe and away from the harm. Sylvain heard about it many times when he was a child, and then some more when he turned fifteen. Ever since, he was readying himself to be laid in the casket with a lance that was predestined for him. The one he hated with his whole being. It had saved his life before, during academy days and then during the war, and yet, he could not make himself treat it with respect everyone expected of him towards family heirloom, gifted to his bloodline by the goddess herself. 

But Felix was different. He loved his sword. He wouldn't say it outright, not ever probably, but he took care of it more than any other weapon he owned. And there was... a lot. 

Sylvain liked to think it was because he asked for his hand in marriage with that sword. That it was Felix's way of showing him he loved him- cherishing the blade. That it was his love which, like a charm, kept Felix from losing his life, time and time again. It wasn't enough, apparently. 

Sylvain could still remember that one time, soon after their engagement, when they had to travel and take care of some minor skirmishes at the border. They went together, a new shining sword at Felix's waist. When the fight broke out, in one of the taverns on their road, Sylvain risked a glance in Felix's direction to see how his sword was doing. Was it good? Was it enough? It wouldn't break, right?

 _It didn't break, but it did fail its master when he needed it the most,_ Sylvain thought, standing over an empty coffin, with nothing but a change of clothes and bouquets of flowers inside.

At that tavern, surrounded by the enemy soldiers, he was a witness to Felix hesitating. Not because he didn't want to stab a guy who just tried to cut his leg off, no. He glanced at the blade guilty, almost with remorse. As if he didn't want to drench it in blood. He still did, but Sylvain could remember that second when his hand twitched. 

Burying one's sword along its master was an ancient tradition, Felix wouldn't like it either way. Besides, he didn't believe in the power goddess held over her children, so he would be pretty skeptical about the whole afterlife part too. And when Sylvain _really_ thought about it-

The ceremony was over and the sword was still strapped to his side, his hand curled protectively around the hilt.

Some people he barely recognized came closer and were offering their condolences, one person after the other. A small queue formed in front of Sylvain and he could not help but feel like a teenager again, angry and hurt, and, above all, hateful towards all those people who didn't care. Not for Felix and certainly not for him. The only thing they wanted was to get their greedy hands on his goodwill, make him owe them something for their sorry display of affection and he couldn't stand-

"Margrave Gautier is tired, as you can imagine. Please, do excuse us." someone said from next to him, harshly pulling him away from the crowd by his arm. Whispers of pity followed them all the way to the exit from the chapel.

When they walked out, a gentle wind from above the lake softly circled them before disappearing into the forest. Normally, it would make Sylvain's eyes water, but he spilled too many tears already for there to be any left. 

"It's very peaceful." Glenn hummed from next to him. His hand left the man's elbow in a calculated manner. "Felix wouldn't like it here."

Sylvain wouldn't be able to stop a bitter laugh coming out of his mouth even if he wanted to. 

"Felix absolutely adores this place. We've been here before, you know? Byleth took us and guys for a fishing trip because Dimitri couldn't stop overworking himself and we'd spent a week here. In those huts on the other side of the lake." he pointed to small black cubes barely visible from the distance. "I was so sure Felix would hate it but he didn't. He actually- he had fun. Some peace."

"I see," Glenn said with- was that wonder? shame? His eyes flickered to the side.

"Yeah."

They stood, hidden from the sight of the mourning mass and their friends, in the shade of a big oak, and looked at people leaving after saying their last prayers. Black gowns reminded Sylvain of trees covered in ash and soot. He wondered how Felix had looked like when he was dying. 

Something touched his hand and his reflex kicked in jerking it away from his side. Nothing was there.

"What is it?" Glenn asked, his eyes concerned under the mask of indifference.

"Nothing."

"...alright. I will go and find Dima. See you later, Sylvain." he wanted to put a hand on his shoulder, but Sylvain evaded it quickly. It made him sick even though he didn't know why yet. The man didn't look offended though. He just nodded and walked away. 

Sylvain's hand clenched into a fist.

Dimitri was busy talking to a red-haired girl, probably Annette if he had to guess, so Glenn didn't bother joining the conversation. There was no place for Glenn there. Instead, he steered himself back to the chapel. The building was awfully small, but he could understand its charm. White walls, low fence, with forest all around and sweet-smelling flowers in the yard. Truth be told, their smell was so strong it was making Glenn dizzy and nauseous. 

Or that was just what he thought. 

The other thing that could be guilty of it had to be the coffin on the platform. It was modest, made from dark wood without any ornaments. The only thing that differentiated it from the rest was a carving of the Fraldarius Crest, on which Glenn laid his hand. He almost anticipated it to be warm, but no. The wood was of the room temperature. 

He wondered, not for the first time, if his father's coffin looked similar. Was there a crest on the lid? Was it grand or simple like that one? A coffin of a noble or a soldier? Who took care of the burial?

Was it Felix? Had he planned it all on his own? Dimitri, maybe? But Glenn didn't have the heart nor the strength to ask anyone about such trivialities. Who even cared anymore? It was all past and buried. Forgotten. Closed off in the memory. 

He wondered how had his own casket looked like.

Glenn traced the symbol once more and took his hand away, not wanting anyone to see. 

When people started once again filling the building, this time only family members who needed some more time to say goodbye to their loved ones, and taking their places, Glenn moved to his own, somewhere around the middle. For the first time in years, words, awkward and clumsy, but true, left his lips begging some higher force for mercy on his family. 

And so Glenn prayed.

Dimitri was waiting. He was sure it was going to happen soon. Very soon. He hadn't had to wait for Rodrigue for long back then. Felix should be angry with him much sooner.

The rain was knocking on his window and he was so tired and it was so annoying and he almost asked it to come in already and soak him to the bone, let him rest. He was tired and it was taunting him. 

A letter laid on his desk in the corner of his bedroom. It wasn't the one his father occupied when he was a king, but smaller and cozier one Dimitri kept in cherished memories from his childhood. His nanny had lived in the same wing of the castle, so he would often visit and spend the night, sleeping by the fireplace, curled on furs. He would do that when all of his friends were back in their homes with nothing but letters reminding them of his existence.

The room became his sanctuary after the coronation. 

And now it was slowly becoming his prison cell with how little air he was getting. How the fireplace was warming the place up to the impossible temperatures. How the walls still felt freezing to the touch and doors were heavy like iron bars, and Dimitri couldn't leave but _oh_ , how much he wanted to-

The letter was written in scrawly handwriting and it had taken Dimitri a moment to decode it. His beloved was truly extraordinary, but her calligraphy was... it was impressive. He looked at it once more.

Dimitri read through the pages at least ten times already. He couldn't stop himself from reaching towards Byleth's words of comfort and grief they shared. She described what he was feeling far better that he would be able, even if it was she who had lived disconnected from her emotions for half of her life. 

It told a story about how she overcame her grief after Jeralt's death and some tips in clear points, kind words of comfort and understanding. He was truly glad for them. He was. Just seeing her handwriting cheered him up. Doodles of her favorite flowers at the bottom of the letter were funny-looking but so endearing he could not help but smile. That was the main reason he kept glancing at it all the time. 

It was enough to lift his spirit for a moment, but not nearly enough to soothe his pain and fear. 

When would _he_ come? Dimitri was waiting.

Ingrid had said there were stages to the grief, but for Dimitri, it felt as if he just jumped over some, and landed on acceptance right away. He didn't want to believe the news. Who would? But then everything became clearer and there was no other option, and it wasn't the first person to die on his watch, in his stead-

But it was _Felix_. The same one he'd grown up with, played and talked about their darkest secrets when they were five and felt the need to confess for stealing a cookie from the kitchen or breaking a training sword. They had fought by each other's side from the very same beginning and, even if that led to their friendships' destruction, Dimitri was glad, so very glad, they got to be friends in this lifetime.

He accepted Felix's death as a fact. Accepting it as a real occurrence, something that had happened, was somewhat harder. 

Impossible even- if the last time he'd seen Felix, in his office sending him off wasn't the last. He opened the window, tired of the feeling of the embers in the fireplace slowly choking him. 

A chair by his desk creaked.

_So, Felix is dead, isn't he? I see,_ Glenn thought, while not seeing anything at all, in the middle of the night when he was lying in his bed. The moon was bright enough to illuminate the room. 

High-pitched giggling reached his ears and so he covered his head with a pillow, and asked the goddess for guidance. He didn't expect a reply, he never did, but it drowned his thoughts enough for him to survive to the sunrise.

_I understand._

High-pitched giggling reached his ears and so he covered his head with a pillow and asked the goddess for guidance. He didn't expect a reply, he never did, but it drowned his thoughts enough for him to survive to the sunrise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Hope you liked it
> 
> I'm starting to see the issue with the endings of the chapters (the work was a one-shot at the beginning but editing in parts is so much easier for me) so the length of chapters may differentiate or the endings may be a little awkward so just a heads up!


	4. Must have been the wind

The morning was especially bright that day, so it didn’t take long for Glenn to get ready for the day. Ingrid had given him his knight uniform the day before, so he donned it with familiarity and care, trying and failing at not being excited at the prompt of getting back to the knighthood. 

Fighting side by side with his rebel friends had been fun and he truly did cherish them, but this, blue and silver on his chest, was what he longed for for over a decade. 

With this, he could serve his king and country again. He could be of use.

At the first meeting he took part in as an official knight, Ingrid would not stop sending him worried glances. Glenn ignored it. A conversation about one more try to take down the bandits was far more important than that.

After they’d burned the bridge they picked a hideout, in the north, in the mountains. Nobody knew where exactly. They hid very well and no scouts could with certainty tell the kingdom soldiers where should they search to strike and end the group once and for all. 

Glenn wanted to go for reconnaissance but, before he got to come forward, Ingrid caught his hand. Her metal gauntlets were made of steel the same as her grip. Her glare wasn’t wavering either, so he had to let it go. That one time. When they struck he would be there.

Ingrid glared at him some more but, when he wouldn't look at her, she let his arm go. She stayed close by for the whole meeting. 

It was boring, to say the least. 

And the day passed. And the day passed. And the day passed.

And Glenn worked. 

And Felix clung to his legs the same way he did when he was but a babe. 

"Big brother? Glenn?" he would ask, drawing out his name for minutes on end. Soft 'n' rang in Glenn's ears at all times.

Felix looked even younger than the ten-year-old he was when Glenn saw him for the last time. Very small and round, like children often are. He wore his favorite blue coat he wouldn't get out of when he was six. After he got it from Dimitri on his birthday, he wore it for a month straight and even his caretakers weren't able to get him out of it. Only Glenn's promise of going ice-skating made him budge. 

Felix fell under the ice on that day. Only Dimitri's shrill cry alerted adults in time to help him. 

But it wasn't like that anymore. Glenn couldn't pull Felix from the freezing waters and into his arms. He couldn't hold him tight and wipe his tears and bundle him in his own cape to protect him from everything wrong with the world. 

So the boy with bright doe eyes and dark hair framing his face trailed after him. Sometimes crying, sometimes looking lost or sleepy. He would tug on his clothes or call out his name.

Also, this Felix would give him million heart attacks a day. 

Sometimes Glenn would talk with someone and in a corner of his eye, he would see a speck of a blue color running towards the open window. The boy never stopped before the fall. 

Or that time when Glenn trained with his colleague in the training area and suddenly blood splattered on the sand. Felix ran into his sparring partner's sword. 

Glenn's eyes never strayed from the topic at hand though. He would never look fully at this Felix. The boy would run after him and fall on the stone floor. He would wail and cry and reach for him, but Glenn would just continue on with his day. If he was talking to somebody, he was talking to somebody. There was no time for ghosts in the daylight. And in the night...

When the sunset passed little Felix would go and sit in the corner of Glenn's room. He would hug his legs to his chest and rest his head on his knees and he would go to sleep. That was all. The night was the only time when Glenn could finally rest. And yet he never did. His nights were preoccupied with worrying about the little creature sitting in the cobwebs near the door. 

One evening he cleaned the floor.

And Felix continued to fall from windows, walk into the fire or under the waiting sword, too willing and naive. He continued to tug on his clothes and giggle and cry. Dark locks of hair or glimpses of his favorite coat always in the corner of Glenn's eyes.

"Is there something on your mind?" Dimitri asked during breakfast, three months since Glenn's return. Since Felix's death.

He hummed, stabbing a tomato with a fork.

"People in Narva are complaining about the watering system in their city and the council still doesn't know what to do."

"Yes, I know about it. I was at the meeting." his king said. He wasn't angry, his voice incredibly gentle. "It is just... you've been awfully tense lately. I'm afraid pushing you into the role of a captain right away may have been too much. I understand if you need more time to adjust. Maybe just to rest some more. There's not much fighting anymore, I'm sure no one would blame you if you took some time off."

Glenn let him finish, but didn't lift his eyes from his plate. It was something he'd heard from time to time from various people, but only when his king pointed it out did he try to defend himself. He didn't know why. Just- there was a need inside of him to prove he was good enough. He didn't want Dimitri to think he would let them all down again.

"Am I not performing correctly? Is my duty unfulfilled? Were there any complaints?" he asked, voice blank.

"Well, no," Dimitri replied, averting his eyes. He flexed his hand on the table in a nervous tick. "No. Everyone is praising your work, actually. You've done well these past months but- it's just- as your friends we can see you're tired. You're doing great! Really. But you pay the price with your strength and energy, and it shows."

"When you work, you sacrifice energy. That's just what working is." 

Dimitri looked at him for a moment more and then sighed, shook his head and stood up. 

"If everything becomes too much, please, come find me," he said as a goodbye and left.

Just thought that there would be a day when he would have to depend on his king made Glenn shiver unpleasantly. What a disgrace that would be. He was the pillar of support for his friends, not the other way around. Never another way around. 

He pushed the rest of his food under the nose of one of his men and left the hall. Armory needed checking.

"Dima looks sad. I don't like it," Felix said from behind him. He was running, trying to catch up.

Glenn's steps slowed down. Just a little bit. 

"You're so dense, boar. Can't even ask such a simple question without fucking it up." harsh tug on his shoulder startled Dimitri awake from his sleep. He was sitting by his desk in his office, hunched over some papers which needed signing. With a startle, he jumped up and tried to salvage what he could.

"Wow. Impressive." a voice scoffed from his side. When Dimitri looked over, disheartened from his mistake, he saw Felix by his side. Their faces were so close their noses were almost touching. "What?"

"Nothing at all," he replied and started sorting through the papers. Only a couple of pages were fine for delivery to his advisors. The rest was too crumpled.

"Are you really going to ignore me?"

"What else should I do? You're just one of them and I can't- I can't do that again. Not now."

"You're saying that as if all of the other ghosts have left you be. They're still here, you know?"

Dimitri didn't have to look at him to feel tens of eyes drilling into his back.

"Yes, I'm aware. But I know now that I can't let them steer me anymore. I can't let them be such a big part of my life. It's not my own anymore."

"And yet, you're talking to me. Shouldn't you push me down and lock me in a small box in your mind, as you've done with everyone else? Like you have done with my father?"

Dimitri could not. He could not answer and he could not lock Felix away, bury him deep and ignore his existence. 

He had been too afraid before, to look at him fully. To see his close friend and advisor, pale and with blue circles under his eyes. With hair disheveled from the flowing water and ripped clothes. Seeing him without a sword would be unnerving too, as he seldom left it behind. 

But no. When he finally turned and looked at him it was Felix he almost forgot about. The one dressed in their school uniform, with shorter hair pulled into a bun and a frown, never leaving his face when he looked at Dimitri. He was standing there, chin raised high in a challenge and back straight. He folded his arms on his chest and even though he was much shorter it felt as if he stared Dimitri down.

"What are you looking at?" he snarled and took a swift step in Dimitri's direction.

At the same moment, someone knocked on the door to his office in a hurried manner. It startled Dimitri's enough for him to glance away and when his eyes focused again, Felix was sitting on the couch on the other side of the room.

"Please, come in." 

The apparition didn't speak again. Not until the servant left. 

"Where are you going?" Sylvain asked when the bed by his side dipped. 

"Is it important?" Felix replied, standing up from the bed and padding to the bathroom. 

"Yes." it was the middle of the night, but the man didn't even want to question it anymore. Felix was a wondrous creature. He went wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted. 

"Will you follow me?" Felix asked, standing by the foot of the bed. A light wind coming from the half-opened window was making his nightrobe and hair sway. It was weirdly rhythmical. 

"I can't see your face from here," redhead whined wanting nothing more than to reach towards his lover and pull him back into the soft embrace of their bed. "You should come back under the covers, it's cold. And close the window on your way back."

"Will you follow me?" Felix pushed. 

"Is everything okay?"

But the man looming over him said nothing. 

"Is it one of your moods? We can figure it out, it's okay." Sylvain soothed, but when he moved to stand up, he jerked awake. 

He was in their bedroom in the castle. _Ah._

He didn't need to check the other side of the bed to see if it's still warm, because there was no one to warm it either way, but he still did. The sheets were cold, freezing. As they were every morning. 

Sylvain curled up with the other pillow and closed his eyes. He fell asleep momentarily. 

Minutes, or hours, later someone shook his shoulder.

"Sylvain, this stopped being funny. Sylvain!" the voice raised with- and it sounded almost like- like fondness and exaggeration and irritation and love-

But it was just Ingrid. All scary and warriorlike, but ultimately not what he wanted to see. An involuntary sigh escaped his lips, clawing its way out and taking all his comfort with it to dissolve it into the air. 

"What?" he barked.

"You should get up. It's almost dinner."

"Fine. Fine, I'll do it." 

"Do what?" Ingrid's confused face was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. "Are you okay?" she asked and covered his forehead with her hand, checking the temperature.

"Yeah, what for?"

"Well, you haven't come to any of the meetings nor lunch. I asked Glenn to fetch you, but now I can't find him anywhere. This is becoming a mess." she took her hand away, not before caressing Sylvain's bangs gently. He hadn't seen Glenn since- since the funeral, perhaps. He certainly wasn't in the room at any time of the day. Although Sylvain couldn't be sure if he did try to wake him up and he just wouldn't. 

"Yeah," he said because it seemed like Ingrid was waiting for an answer. 

"Yes. You probably don't want to eat in the dining hall, but I asked the kitchen to send something up here. Will you eat with me? Maybe we can invite Dimitri too."

And Sylvain didn't want to. He didn't. He wanted to swallow it just to puke it right back up the moment they'd be out of the room. But then something mussed his hair and moved the covers from his legs. Just slightly. No one else would notice. No one did. 

Must have been the wind.

"Come on. Get up." Ingrid said, tapping his leg. Then she stood up and closed the window on her way to the living room. 

Ever since that day, a tradition of a shared dinner was born. Most of the days it was just Ingrid, Dimitri, and Sylvain, sitting by the table in one of the rooms and trying to hold a conversation like 3 adults that they were. From time to time Glenn and Dedue joined them if they weren't too busy. 

But then a day happened when only Ingrid and Dimitri showed up. 

Ingrid practically flung herself at the chair with one of the longest sighs Dimitri had ever heard. 

"Is everything alright?" he asked, clearly seeing it wasn't. She shook her head and waited for the staff to leave them to be before answering. 

"It's Sylvain. It's so hard to wake him up these days. I'm really starting to worry."

"Ah. Yes. I didn't notice, but now you mention it it is hard to catch him out of his bedroom. You can't blame him though." 

Ingrid could just nod along. That was just Sylvain's way to cope with loss. It wouldn't be the first time- when Miklan died during their last year of the academy, Sylvain closed himself in his room too, sleeping his days away. But back then they had Felix to send to him and comfort him. 

As well as Felix could comfort people at the age of 17. It couldn't be the best performance, Ingrid mussed, but it was enough for Sylvain. Always enough for Sylvain. 

"Goddess, I still can't believe Felix's gone." she sighed again. That was becoming a habit of hers lately, and it was a habit hard to break away from. 

"Yes." Dimitri squirmed in his seat. 

"It's so weird. From time to time I catch myself holding the door open for a second more or making a break in the conversation knowing he would like to comment on something. I have to get used to it, huh?" 

"I guess."

She lifted her eyes from the meal she was playing with on her plate and stared. 

"And you? How are you holding up?"

"I- well-" Dimitri stuttered. A hand on his shoulder gripped him harder in a warning. 

"If you need to talk to someone I'm here for you. Maybe we can help each other." she smiled at him sadly. 

"I- not now, but- I might actually take you upon it." 

"Of course. For now- Sylvain. What should we do with him?"

"It does seem rather unhealthy. His new habits."

"I try to coax him out of his room and office every day ever since Felix, but he's making it harder and harder every morning. I don't want him to spiral out of control."

"What would Felix do?" Dimitri asked. The voice sneered into his ear. What a childish question.

"What would Felix do, indeed." Ingrid agreed.

"I might have an idea." 

On one of the mornings, when sheets on their bed were still cold, a soft knocking caught Sylvain's attention. It couldn't be Ingrid. She tended to kick it open.

Without waiting for his call, the door opened and in walked a woman in a light-yellow dress with a basket under one of her arms and a kid on her hip. 

"Hello, Sylvain." Mercedes smiled all sweetly. Even Sylvain's frozen heart skipped a beat trying to catch that fleeting feeling of joy he felt seeing her in the threshold. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked, voice rough. It wasn't that they lived far from each other and couldn't meet from time to time, but both of them were busy with their full schedules, and so it was hard to find time for traveling. Even so, they had exchanged a number of letters. Sylvain's chest ached with guilt when he remembered he had neglected that aspect of his life along with all the others. 

"Well, you didn't send me any new letter lately," she said as if reading his mind. "Besides, Dimitri asked me to."

"Wow, you're just going to throw him under a carriage like that, huh?" she giggled at that, covering her face with a hand. 

"Well... I was worried, you know. I wanted to give you some space first, but I might have miscalculated how much."

"So? Do you have some-" he made some symbols in the air which made her smile even more. "-cure? For this?"

"I don't think it exists, Sylvain. But maybe leaving the room will do you some good. I have our dinner in the basket here and Derek wouldn't stop pestering me about getting to play with his favorite uncle." 

Derek, a boy with blond locks and green eyes, waved at him as shy as always and immediately hid in his mother's shoulder.

Sylvain thought about saying no. Just straight up saying no, escorting them both to the door and then drowning once again in the covers of the bed. Closing his eyes and imagining there was a figure next to him. The Dream Felix was kind and soothing, and he looked just like _his_ Felix. So much it hurt.

And when he thought about the pain that came with waking up, realizing how cruel the reality was, not going to sleep sounded amazing. Maybe if he stopped seeing that ghost, he would be able to move on. He didn't want to, kind of. And somewhat it was the only thing he could think about when his mind wasn't all muddled. Moving on. 

"Give me a minute, I have to clean up." he heard himself say.

Mercedes just smiled, as she always did, gentle and kind, and understanding. She left him to change, closing the door with a soft click.

Maybe he could ask her for some lessons on sowing or embroidery or maybe knitting. Anything. He had to do something. Dimitri said once it helped him relax and Sylvain really needed relaxation. Maybe a new hobby was a way.

Some time later, Sylvain took to spending more of his time by the stables, taking care of horses, chatting up passing people. It reminded him of their time at the academy when Byleth would pair him and Felix constantly for every chore. He would never skip a chance to spend some time with his best friend even then, so taking care of the weeds or state of the stables became so easy he could do it without much thinking. He was taking advantage of it now. White noise filled his head.

When he moved from sweeping the cobblestone in front of the building to checking every compartment he saw a figure standing in front of Adela, his mare. 

"Can I help you with something?"

"You should pay her more attention. You're both miserable," they said and turned to him. 

"Felix!" Sylvain called out, but when he reached his hands- to touch, to feel- they passed effortlessly through Felix's waist. 

"I don't think that's possible." the ghost said, a bitter smile gracing his lips.

Felix was dead, Sylvain knew. But this was him, dressed in his casual clothes, high-waisted pants, and a blouse. He'd tied his hair into a high ponytail, but some locks escaped the ribbon and were now hanging freely around his face. He was a little too pale, but it was normal for him with how much time he spent inside, the last years, so Sylvain bit his lip not to fret. 

There was nothing to fret about. Felix was dead.

He still was a vision. 

"What-?" he tried to ask but the words stuck in his throat. The only logical conclusion was: "I've lost my mind."

"Probably. But you do know I'm not real, so that's good. Don't worry, I won't be here for long, just till you get better."

Sylvain had to laugh. "So the only idea my brain could come up to cope was what exactly? Showing me Felix to lull me into a false sense of security and then taking even that away? This really fixed everything, thanks."

"Well, he was the only person you really listened to. So, yes." 'Felix' said and took a step closer. "You should go now. You promised Ashe dinner."

"How do you know?" 

"I'm just part of you. Of course I know." the man rolled his eyes and it was so real and familiar that Sylvain's heart clenched. When he blinked the ghost was gone, leaving no trace behind.

And so the ghost would sometimes appear from nowhere and remind him to function. It would be reminders about his plans or meetings, but often he would just drop by to make him eat or sleep when Sylvain forgot to. He would coax him using gentle words or phrases Sylvain still remembered Felix used. How weird it was, to think of Felix's death like a distant memory, not an event that just happened. But it slowly started to feel like it.

By the time summer started Byleth visited the castle and pushed him out, to her gardens that just started to bloom once more. She sat him in one of the alcoves and left there with tea and biscuits. It was... peaceful.

The tea was of perfect temperature and biscuits were sweet, but not awfully so. Felix would like them. The air was unmoving and everything looked as if the time stopped, as if it was waiting for him to find his footing. Flowers abloom around him clashed horribly, as they always did when Byleth was in charge of them, but this time it was comforting. It was familiar. 

'Felix' was sitting at the table too, opposite of him. 

"What now?"

"Nothing much. You just needed company, is all," he said, tilting his head and looking on with curiosity. 

"What if I just wanted to be left alone?" he scoffed, not even trying to put his happy-go-lucky facade. It was just an apparition. A twisted fantasy of his mind.

"I wouldn't be here then." the answer was swift, but not unkind. This Felix was never unkind. It was starting to piss Sylvain off. 

He didn't know what to reply, so he just took a sip of his tea and waited for it to lost taste on his tongue. Felix didn't mind the silence though. He was looking around on the unmoving trees of the orchard with a content written all over his face. 

"Can you go already? I'm fine."

"Of course you are, but I won't."

Sylvain was getting angry. He tried so hard to be strong, to not let everything ugly about him to resurface, not to show anything to his family, but this- this awful trick of his head just had to be so good at being his Felix and at the same time suck at it so badly and just had to show Sylvain over and over what he'd lost. What he would never recover from the freezing waters of Teutates. 

"Fuck off! I swear to Sothis-"

"I'm here because you want to get better. At the same time, you won't let yourself do that. You don't actually want to follow him. And yet you never wanted anything that badly. So many contradictions. Of course you need part of you to be reasonable." 

"But he's dead! And I promised- I promised- I swore to the goddess and family name and my own honor, even though it's worthless now." his chuckle was low and sharp. "Why am I here? I should be where he is... wherever that is. I promised."

A hand covered his own on the table and he knew that it wasn't real, he couldn't touch that Felix, but he tried to grip it anyway. His nerves tingled with yearning. 

"I'm dead, 'vain. I've been for a couple of months now. I'm sorry, but that's just reality and you have to learn how to move on. There's no way around it. Will you do it? For me?"

"You're not him," Sylvain said, suddenly exhausted. The will to fight left him as quickly as it came and he slumped in the chair. His hand stayed on the table, clutching the air.

"I'm the closest that you get. You knew him enough to create me, so I can tell you things he would have if he was here."

"He would not be so sweet. 'For me?', really?"

"His eyes would tell you as much if he was here. He doesn't want to see you dead, we both know that. He will wait patiently, no matter where he'd landed. Felix will wait for you. You have all the time in the world." the man said and he looked so beautiful, just like his Felix. The sun shone on him making him gleam, his cheeks rosy and hair shiny. And suddenly Sylvain was 26 again, sitting in a similar alcove, in the same garden, talking with Felix about where they wanted their relationship to go. 

It was awkward somewhat, both of them bad at emotions, but Sylvain still remembered his heart hammering in his chest and their hands intertwined on the tabletop next to their teapot and how incredibly alive he felt then.

"Don't listen to the voices in the night," Felix's memory said now instead of a stuttered confession of affection and love. "They will lead you over to the riverbed and put you to eternal sleep."

Sylvain nodded once and it was enough for the ghost to leave him alone. 

"Fellie, get that out of your mouth," Glenn said for the fourth time in the span of twenty minutes. "Fellie."

But the child was chewing on the stempel still, not even a little impressed. Glenn had papers to seal with it, so he couldn't afford Felix to be difficult, but the kid just wouldn't listen. 

"You're sighing again." Ingrid walked into the room and raised her brow at him in question. "Something on your mind?"

_Yes, my little brother, you know, the dead one. He doesn't want to leave me in peace._

"I lost my stempel," he said instead. Safer option.

"What are you saying? It's literally in front of you." she walked closer and lifted one of the pages. There it was. 

"Huh. Thanks. Don't know why I couldn't find it."

"You're tired, Glenn. Anyone can see it," she said even though her voice was already tinged with defeat. It wasn't the first time they'd talked about that. "Also, stressed out."

"Thank you for your insight, but I have to go back to work."

"Wait!" she caught his arm when he stood up and moved to walk away. "Listen, I know it all must be overwhelming for you. And with Felix... gone it must be- I'm sorry- I just- I wish I could help you with what you're going through."

"And what I'm going through? Tell me!" he asked and surprised even himself with how harsh his voice came out. "Sor-"

"It's fine. I overstepped." Glenn could see her closing off immediately, but before he could even start to feel remorse and guilt for snapping on her, she continued. "You should take some time off though. You haven't had any time to grief over your loss and it's been some time already. I'm serious."

"I'm alright here."

"Take it as an order from your superior," she said and left, taking his almost finished document with her. 

The next morning his assistant was occupying his desk and didn't want to relent when he asked them to move. Ingrid had informed everyone apparently. 

So he went to do what Fraldariuses did when there were too many emotions for their bodies to withstand. He went to train. To shake off the excess of this whole mess that his mind lately was and to tire himself enough to actually sleep at night without glancing at the corner of his room every other second.

Unfortunately, he never got to do it. The first person he saw was Sylvain. He feigned a push with his lance and then pulled some poor guy's legs from under him in one graceful swoop.

Something in Glenn's chest moved, slid unproperly away from its rightful place. He couldn't face him. He was his friend once, but since the funeral, Glenn just couldn't stand being near to him. He'd taken care of Dimitri and Ingrid, his men even, but not Sylvain. Getting close to him felt suffocating. 

A shame, another old friend of Glenn, took control of him and the next moment he was wandering through the castle halls. Just to be further away.

He wasn't stupid. He knew he was avoiding the topic at hand. He knew he didn't give himself time to grieve and then heal again as everyone around him seemed to do, but fighting for more than half of your life wasn't an easy thing to retire from. Even if it was just a fight with yourself.

"Where are we going?" Felix asked and caught his sleeve in his small fist. 

"Where do you want to go?" he returned the question. He'd learned a long time ago, a lifetime even, that it's for the best to mirror Felix's questions. It was faster for everyone.

"Let's go outside!" the child giggled and tugged him firmly in the direction of the exit, but Glenn could do nothing but freeze in place. "I've seen flowers there, you know? Small and white, but I can't say their name. I can't pro- pran- prono-"

"Pronounce. Daisies, are they?"

"Yes!" Felix run some steps away from him and turned to see if he would follow. "Are you coming?"

"I- It's cold outside. Let's go to our room instead, hm?" there was no way he was going out to all of those people. What would they say if they saw him talking to himself? Would they send an immediate message to Dimitri? Ingrid? Dedue? They were already observing his every move, he couldn't give them any more clues. No. 

And he didn't feel as if he could ignore Felix that day. His heart would shatter.

Glenn was expecting some teary eyes and pout, but obedience in the end. Instead, the child's face contorted into one of fury and disappointment. Glenn's never seen Felix like that. 

"Why not? Tell me." he stomped his little foot. It echoed in the halls. 

"It's cold. I just told you."

"Why does that matter? I'm not here at all. I can't be cold!"

"What? What do you-" but then something pricked Glenn's in his forehead. It felt like a long needle trying to force its way in between his eyes and into his brain.

His Felix said something similar to him _before_. The child was so angry then, so frustrated. His lips trembled and his eyes just couldn't stop pushing out tear after tear that slowly trickled down his cheeks. He hiccuped and sniffled and no one was able to calm him down. 

"Wh- " sob tore itself out of his throat. "Why does it matter? I'm- I'm not here at all! I'm not!" 

"What? What do you mean?" Glenn asked then, concerned and powerless. Felix had never thrown such a temper tantrum before. 

"Father never talks to me and you-!" Glenn gave him a handkerchief because there was too much snot to talk properly. Even in the middle of crying, Felix nodded at him with silent thanks and Glenn could not stop his heart from breaking. 

"Father is a busy man, you know." he tried to soothe, but Felix just shook his head furiously. 

"He talks to you, he talks to everyone. He talks to Dima. Never to me." the child sniffled some more, but it seemed like his supply of tears dried out. For the next five minutes most, but still. 

Glenn remembered he had tried to say something, anything. But there simply wasn't an explanation he could offer him. The truth was far too painful.

"I know Father'd like me to never be, but- but-"

"Why would you think that?" Glenn couldn't stand his brother so sad, he reached forward and cradled his little, tense hands in his own. "What are you saying?"

"Because I'm here and mom isn't." the child stopped struggling and Glenn could feel his arms relax in his grip. He would be happy that maybe it was Fellie calming down, but he knew it was powerlessness taking hold. Felix would always end up exhausted after crying. In a couple of minutes, he would snore already, so Glenn had to hurry and talk to him. It couldn't end without resolve.

"It's not your fault. Of course it isn't. No one thinks that."

"I've heard-"

"From who? Did someone say that to you? Who? Fellie? Fellie, I know you're not asleep."

Felix opened his eyes and looked up at him annoyed, but after a moment he answered: "Just some lady from the town. Was talking to Amanda."

1\. Find Amanda and ask her about it.  
2\. Find Father and kick his ass. 

"Fellie, believe me, it wasn't your fault. In no way. And Father... you know he's an idiot sometimes." at that moment Felix gasped as if offended on behalf of their father, but it didn't stop a short giggle from following. It split this awfully sad expression on his face and made way for more content one. Glenn knew it wasn't the end, there was much to repair and much to work on, but he was going to make it better. He knew his father and what he'd gone through after losing their mother, and he knew Felix and how sensitive he was. 

And he started wondering, for the first time since his return, standing alone on a fluffy carpet in the castle's hall, had they managed to repair their relationship, Fellie and their father. After all, he wasn't able to see the fruits of his labor to bring them together. Just a half year after the conversation with Felix he was being shipped off to Fhirdiad to start his knight training, for real this time. And after that, his time spent in the Fraldarius estate would shorten to a couple of days in the year. Weeks if he was lucky. 

And then there came the time when he wasn't even that eager to come back. He'd build his life in Fhirdiad with all of his friends, and estate seemed to become haunted, too cold to live in. He'd foolishly thought it was just him, that it was just adulthood. The need to run from the family home.

But maybe he should be more attentive. Maybe he should be more alert and not believe letters Felix would sometimes send him filled with encouragements and tales of times passed. 

Ingrid found him sitting on the floor in the hall and still not being able to shed a single tear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading~


	5. The moon was my witness

To be quite honest, Dimitri had enough. 

He had to sit through yet another meeting with Felix who immensely enjoyed questioning his every decision, and his head was starting to hurt badly. He just wanted to go to his room and sleep through the night without being rudely woken up with a tug or slap for once, but of course, that was out of the question. 

"-can't believe you approved of that. Are you aware of what the consequences will be? How could-" the ghost was laughing behind his back, stalking him through the corridors to his office. "-poor peasants. You'll never change, won't you? Still nothing but a boar."

"I've come to the conclusion lately," Dimitri said instead and closed the door behind them. He saw how 'Felix' tried to open his mouth to retort, but he was faster. "I knew I couldn't go down the same road I did when- when all of my loved ones died... back then, so I-"

"Oh? You won't go berserk on some filth? There's so much, still hidden in the forests. Do you pity them? Pity those who carved out my heart from my flesh and drowned my body in the freezing, dark waters?" the ghost asked, dangerously close to Dimitri now. "I know your faithful servants are _so_ close to finding them. So close that you can almost smell their blood being spilled beneath your feet. Now you find mercy inside you? Now you feel remorse? Don't joke!"

"They will indeed be found and judged accordingly, I'm not going to let them off lightly, but-"

The man growled with anger and interrupted him again. "Don't you know me? I don't care about that children's play you're planning. Go there, alone. Go there and show what it is like to provoke a beast. Spill their blood and dye the river red again. I will leave then." he promised and his voice was gentle for once, so strikingly contrasting with his words. "Weren't we close? Weren't we friends? You know how much I'd love that. I want their bodies at the bottom of the lake with me, so I can fight with them, forever. Don't you want the best for me?"

"I want the best for Felix. Not for you." Dimitri's voice was sharp and it rang out in the empty space of the room. 

The ghost stared at him in an honest shock.

"I _am_ Felix! Who else could I be? Are you really-"

"That's what I wanted to converse about. I wasn't going to let this turn into another bloodbath. I have people now, beside me, by my side, who care and encouraged me time and time again to seek their help if anything starts to feel off. This is it. You're off. I talked it out with-"

" _I_ am off? Not you? You won't even kill-"

"No, I won't. I promised fairness and justice for those who live in the Kingdom. The right of being judged by the court is one of them."

"Oh." the ghost looked taken aback for a second, but the look of fury returned on his face quickly, not wanting to show even a spark of vulnerability. "So, you never thought of me as a friend? These years of trying to rekindle were just a trick? Now you won't even carry out revenge in my name."

Dimitri had to laugh. It was a quiet huff of air more than anything, but it managed to still his mind for a moment. 

"I won't do that because I know Felix wouldn't want it. What pushed me to realize you're not him was just that. You don't act like him at all. You don't have the same priorities. You haven't asked about Sylvain at all. And what about Glenn? You must've seen him walking around. You're never around when I talk to him, but you had to. And, above all..."

Dimitri had to take a breath and was surprised when the ghost stayed silent, his eyes locked on his face, unblinking. 

"Above all, Felix would hate to become one of my ghosts. How many times has it been, be it a joke or a serious comment, about how he would come to haunt me only to kick my bottom if I ever imagined an apparition of him? Far too many. So I'll do it for him and I'll banish you before you interrupt his rest."

For a moment, the ghost looked afraid and Dimitri hated that expression on Felix's face. It had been rare to get a glimpse of it, and even rarer to have Felix agree to show it to anyone. So Dimitri covered his eye and heavily leaned on the desk behind him, knowing he didn't deserve being trusted with it, trying to cut himself away from the view completely.

"Felix wouldn't want me to go there and kill them. He would propose he will go there instead and arrest them himself. I know because that's exactly what he did, that day. He was there in my place." a shiver ran down Dimitri's spine. Grief rushed anew in his veins, but there was only one thing he could do to truly pay a tribute to his friend. He'd already strained Felix's memory by creating that twisted version of him.

When he looked up to say the rest of his arguments, to explain, to apologize, to see his friend's face for the last time, there was no one but him in his office. 

The wind whistled behind the glass windows.

Sylvain couldn't stop laughing. For the first time in a long time, his laughter was genuine and he honestly couldn't stop it from exploding from his chest and being heard by surrounding him people. 

It was the second- no, the third day of the celebration. It took some time, for all of the rebels- or helpers, as townsfolk took to calling them- to gather and travel to the capital, but once they'd had set their foot in the city it just wouldn't let them go. There were drinks and food, lights and fires, laughter and screams of joy. People danced through the day and night on the streets, squares, in their houses and inns. Music still could be heard from outside, even if their group decided to hide and spend some time together, just them. 

They were sitting in one of the living rooms, the one near Ingrid's bedroom. It was warm and cozy, with multiple couches and armchairs for everyone to find their place. 

Sylvain sat on the cushions on the floor with Ingrid sleeping peacefully in his lap. She had one too many glasses of wine and was out like a flame in just a moment. Behind him on the couch were Annette and Mercie, giggling softly at what Ashe said just moments before. He was pretty drunk too, pink blush coating his cheeks and forehead. Fortunately, Dedue was there to keep him in check. Ashe's humor tended to become quite coarse after a couple of drinks. 

Dimitri looked at them with a cheerful expression on his face from his armchair. Sylvain couldn't help but notice that, since a couple of weeks back, Dimitri acted more at peace. He was restless after Felix's death, continuously rushing into his chores and responsibilities, hiding beneath towers of paperwork. Now he was calm. And Sylvain, with soft satisfaction in his belly, couldn't find it in himself to envy him anymore. 

_This_ , everyone together and happy, was what Felix would love to see. _He would be so proud_ , was what Sylvain thought through the whole evening laughing and smiling and joking and reminiscing and just being- 

When the conversations started to slowly quiet down and a sleepy lull settled in the room, Sylvain hummed one last time before getting up from the ground. They'd moved Ingrid to the sofa, so he didn't have to worry about waking her up. Mercedes was already back in her room, and Annette and Ashe were snoring in unison on the carpet in front of the fireplace.

"Are you going already?" Dimitri whispered turning his attention from Dedue to him.

"Yeah. I promised Mercie I'll help her in the kitchen in the morning. She'll kick my ass if I come late." he joked. Dedue lifted his brow in a show of disbelief and amusement. Dimitri just chuckled.

"Of course. We wouldn't want to keep you up any longer. Goodnight, Sylvain."

"Night. See you tomorrow."

And as he closed the door behind him with a gentle click the darkness surrounded him. It was far into the night already and he had somehow missed it, too absorbed by the presence of his loved ones. It wasn't that far from his bedroom, but there was something in the long, dark, quiet corridor in front of him that made him shudder slightly, even though the alcohol was still pleasantly warming him up from inside.

He stopped being afraid of ghosts long ago and yet there he was. 

"Should've taken a candle or something," he whined out loud just to disperse the silence a little, but he'd already walked half of the way. Might as well just sprint to his room. 

Something stopped him though. There was a door, cracked open just a little, enough for a thin ray of light to slip through the threshold.

Sylvain was going to just check it out, maybe tell some servant to _go to sleep already, it's past the midnight_. The closer he got the more he had to squint his eyes because it was too bright to get used to quickly. Good thing he didn't need to see to recognize the voice.

"Sylvain? Is everything alright?" Glenn was sitting by the desk. There were some leather-bound books in front of him. 

"Yeah, just going back to my room. Why are you-" Glenn pushed himself away from the desk and started cleaning up even before Sylvain finished the question. " -still up?"

"Lost the track of time." Glenn shrugged and continued putting books back on the shelves.

Seeing him ignore him so blatantly Sylvain tried humor. "Care to explain why didn't you come for our group date?" 

"Huh?"

"Uh... Ingrid and Dimitri both talked to you about it? We wanted to meet- you know, all of us- and just spend some time together. We haven't done it since..." a heavy sigh escaped his lips even when he tried not to do it. It was practically automatic by this point. "...you know. Felix. It was nice."

The man just nodded and carried on with his work. 

Sylvain tried to keep his anger at bay, he really did. Ever since Felix, he couldn't stop feeling it whatever he'd been up to, wherever it was, whenever it was. Even activities that had brought him joy so many times before were irritating and annoying. 

He was getting better, of course, he was, now that Mercie was back in town to talk some sense into him, but there was just something in Glenn that kept him up at night, and it wasn't admiration of his looks, so similar to Felix, or pity towards the man. 

They weren't interacting much, since his return. Both of them were busy and submerged too deep in grief to communicate properly, or even just to see what the other had been going through, but now, when they were closed off in a small space something stirred in Sylvain's chest once again. 

"You could, I don't know, turn around? Say something?"

"What do you want me to say? Congratulations you had fun? Congrats." was what the man replied. 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"...I didn't mean any harm." Glenn finally put all the books away and started towards the door. "If you'll excuse me."

"You are so..." the redhead started slowly. His nails were pressing bloody crescents into his palms.

"I am what, Sylvain?" Glenn asked, turning with his hand on the knob. Ready to flee any time.

"You're so- dispassionate. Emotionless. Why is that?"

"Sylvain, do we have to start this now? I'm not in the mood."

"No, no. I'm just curious. Now that I think- have you felt anything?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. The warmth he had just felt dissipated under the overwhelming intent to hurt.

"...what are you on about?"

"When Felix died. Have you felt anything? Anything at all?"

" _Gautier,_ " his name was sharp on the man's tongue. A warning. 

"Because I can't seem to remember. I wasn't in my right mind, no, but I don't remember any reaction from you but simple _oh well, that happens sometimes_. 

"Gautier, shut up. Is that funny to you? Why don't you go back to this little celebration you've held? Go! Have some more fun!" a clear move to distract him, nothing but a provocation. So Sylvain dug deeper. 

"Are you trying to hide something? Maybe you were happy? We sobbed and you were oh, so happy."

Even if he slapped Glenn at that moment he wouldn't flinch as much as he did because of these words. His face morphed, but too fast for Sylvain to recognize the emotion. Still, it was pretty clear. 

"So you were!" he shouted with laughter. Alcohol had to start to get to him for real. His hands shook. "Without him, you don't have to worry about any burden! Free as a bird, aren't you?"

"You-" the man tried to retort, but nothing more came out of his mouth. Sylvain felt such a joy just watching him turn pale like sheets, hands clenched and back so straight it had to hurt. _Let it hurt._ "You're just as cruel as your brother was, do you know that?"

"Miklan was a piece of shit and we all know that. It's nothing new and I had time to figure that out for myself. But you're no saint either. Look at yourself! What an admirable big brother you are! You left your brother how many times again? I've lost count."

"I almost died! Are you really going to judge me because of that? I was fulfilling my duties. That was that one time. One time I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't stop it from happening. And you said Fellie was fine!"

"Don't call him that! He's not a little child anymore! And even when he was-" a dark chuckle followed. Sylvain couldn't believe that it was Glenn. He almost idolized him as a child, even if he wasn't that much older. They were even friends, for a moment. And now, he felt only hatred. "Even when we were children, you've been leaving him. Time and time again. You'd run from all that was uncomfortable for you, from all that annoyance and misery, and you left him there! And it was your choice! Just. Your. Choice." he didn't move, didn't want to get physical with Glenn. He wanted to hurt him with something even greater than a punch- the truth.

"Sylvain-" Glenn saw his intention in his eyes and was a step from pulling the knob, and hiding in the dark, but he couldn't move. He couldn't. He had been waiting for someone to- hurt him? wake him up? scream at him?

"First you run to the big city to live a little, away from the burden clinging to you all the time. You don't have to care for him, he's not your problem anymore. And then you die and leave him fragmented and crushed for everyone else to fix. Your hands are clean. After all, it was your duty. Fuck off, Glenn."

The man curled into himself somewhat. He looked small, as small as a Fraldarius could look. 

"Felix isn't- Felix wasn't-" something clogged Sylvain's throat and there were tears slowly sliding down his face. He didn't know when that started. "You see him as that little boy, always losing fights with you, always crying. You see him as something in your way-"

"No. Never. I have never-"

" -as this useless kid you wanted to leave you alone. But he isn't like that. He never was. You just couldn't see. And then you haven't seen him later, what an amazing person he grew up to be. How talented and strong and wonderful he was- is- was- he was wonderful. Witty and smart. And he would totally win in a fight against you now." Sylvain couldn't stop himself from sniffing. He wasn't sure if he wanted. " _Sothis_. What a bastard you are." tears blurred his eyes so much he wasn't sure if he was still looking at Glenn. "And you haven't reacted at all then. He was dead and you just shrugged. And then everything was fine for you. Got yourself a job again and everything's great again. I can't believe-"

The door slammed shut, leaving Sylvain alone. 

Glenn ran. He ran and heart was hammering in his chest painfully, like a bird trying to force its way out of the cage. Was that how cardiac arrest felt like? He was lucky it was the middle of the night and no one caught him. Of course, he wasn't aware of it. The only thing on his mind was to run and hide somewhere. 

He had to. He had to hide and calm down. His lungs refused to cooperate and joined the heart in being pure chaos inside of him, so that was the only option. A room away from any other. Somewhere desolate.

He started to climb, higher and higher. Staircase after staircase, corner after corner. White noise rang in his ears because nothing else made any sounds, and his own labored breaths stopped registering in his brain. But at last, he found an open door at the end of the last floor of the castle. It should be an attic. No one would look for him there. 

The room was cluttered and full of dust, but it was ideal to curl up on the ground and figure things out. It had to be rarely used because Glenn could see a starry night in the holes on the roof. The moon was almost full, giving enough light to illuminate the interior, but Glenn couldn't care less. He slid down the door to the floor and tried to count his breaths, that was the priority. His hands clawed at the front of his shirt, uselessly pushed and pulled, trying to get the heart under the control too. 

Sylvain's words started appearing in his mind. Or maybe he just noticed that now. Harsh and coarse, but true. Said through anger and fury and such sadness Glenn could not bear it anymore. He knew there were things everyone omitted, not wanting to hurt him, and many more that Sylvain didn't have time to reveal, but he had no strength anymore to stand there and listen. 

But how could he tell him? How could he describe what loss and pain he'd been feeling ever since Felix died? 

When they sobbed he could not think of anything else, but how he envied them the ability to cry and let their pain out in little trickles of water sliding down their faces. He would curl up in bed and try so hard to let it all out, to cry and mourn for his brother. Fellie deserved that. He deserved being mourned and yet Glenn just could not... do it. 

For the longest time, his heart had been occupied by emptiness or jealousy, nothing in between. Even now, sitting on the wooden floor he could not shed one lousy tear. What a brother he was. 

It was not the first time his heart had been broken like that. _I'll never see him again. None of them,_ he had used to think in Sreng, sitting under the hot sun. But it was the same sun Felix was seeing when he woke up, the same one he bid farewell to when he was going to sleep. They had been apart, never to reunite, but alive and well. 

Glenn had sworn time and time again, that he would never come back if it meant losing Felix. He would spend his whole lifetime away on the exile if it meant bringing Fellie back. But the goddess was silent, as she always was. 

When his breathing calmed down, he looked around more thoroughly. He was going to spend the night in that attic, no way he was going to show himself to anyone like that. That mess he probably looked like. And if he wanted to catch a couple of hours of sleep, he needed something to cover himself with. The first rule of survival: Nights were always cold. 

There was a drapery hanging down at the wall in front of the door. It looked kind of new, not yet covered in dust so much. He could tug it down or just sleep under it on the floor. He could probably manage to do it even with his knees shaking. 

Glenn stood up and after a moment of leaning against the door, he took a couple of anxious steps. One after another. 

And then he tripped over his own feet and when panic clouded his coordination, he reached out blindly, catching the drapery and bringing it down to the floor alongside him. 

A chain of curses he let out stopped abruptly when he saw what was hanging on the wall, hidden by the curtain all this time. 

He would reminisce much, much later, that the moon was the first witness to the tears suddenly bursting out of his eyes and a high whine leaving his lips for the first time in over a decade. Because before him in a beautiful golden frame was a portrait of Fell- of Felix. 

Glenn knew about the existence of the painting. He'd heard Sylvain arguing about it with Ingrid, who had later told him all about it. It was an engagement painting of Felix and Sylvain, together. One of the Alliance's most famous artists painted it just a week after the official statement and apparently, it was a real work of art. Glenn never saw it in the end. Sylvain had it covered and sent away. _Just for a moment,_ he'd said slamming the door shut in their faces when Glenn and Ingrid tried to talk to him about it. 

And now Glenn stood before it, or more like half-lied, still shaken from the fall. It was breathtaking and so realistic, he felt as if he could reach out and take out one of the flowers laying on the painted wooden floor for himself. Press it into a book to always remember the face he saw for the first time in forever, it felt. 

There were two people, of course. Sylvain, posture straight and proud. He wore his best clothes for the occasion, all pricy fabrics, and shiny, golden details. He was smiling, with confidence or with amusement, Glenn couldn't tell. But first and foremost he looked like a man in love. 

His left hand was resting lightly over Felix's arm, who was sitting on the ornamented chair in front of him and covering it with his own hand. Matching rings on their fingers seemed to glint. 

Ingrid had told him why did Felix sit- he'd broken his leg just a day before the visit of an artist, so they had to improvise. Apparently, he was so unhappy over it the painter had to interpret Felix's face himself because he would not stop scowling during the session. 

His brother was smiling down at him now, all gentle and angelic. He also wore his best robes in the purple color of their family. His hair was gathered in a long braid going over his right arm and- Glenn could be wrong, his eyesight blurry, but there were daisies woven in the hairstyle. Annette's work, most probably. 

It wasn't like looking into the mirror though. Almost everyone would say how similar they looked, like twins. But it wasn't true at all. They were like day and night in Glenn's eyes. Different eyes, different noses, and chins. Even their hair, almost identical, but still so different. Where Glenn was sharp Felix was soft, even if he tried very hard to hide it. 

Glenn slumped on the floor even more heavily and sobbed again. His eyes focused once again after a moment and he saw the Aegis Shield by Felix's feet, leaning on the chair leg. Glenn's breathing stopped. He had never thought about it. Not even once had he thought about the consequences of what happened in Duscur. Not about what would happen to Felix. He never wanted- He didn't- It wasn't going to be like this-

And yet it was because of course it was. Because of course, the next heir after him was Felix. Without him, the next King's Shield would also be Felix. How foolish he was to dream of Felix being able to live a happy life when he'd left him with such a burden to bear. 

"Oh, Fellie. I'm so sorry." he heaved and bowed, his forehead touching the ground. And like that, curling on the ground he spent the night. Tears couldn't seem to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, it's hurt Glenn hours again,, I'm very sorry, but I like it
> 
> I can't believe I made Dimitri the only one with some kind of awareness in this fic, but I just want him to,, heal some and get better over the years
> 
> Yeah, either way, I hope you liked it ^^ thank you for reading


	6. Oh, such amber eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's some action in this chapter (not much though) and so there's blood. More like mentions of it. But if you don't want to read any of that you can just skip the portion where they fight, it's easy to spot. 
> 
> And!! We're very close to the end, just one more chapter, probably. I hope you enjoy ^^

Dimitri found him in the early hours of the morning. 

"Glenn? Why are you- oh," he asked once he recognized the figure on the floor. "Oh."

Glenn stayed silent. The facade of indifference had disappeared and he could not pull his barriers up again. He didn't have the strength to even try. 

"I was going to look for you. Seems like I don't have to anymore." Dimitri started, getting closer to him. "Sylvain is panicking in Mercedes's bedroom right now if you're curious. Whatever he'd said to you I can assure you, he didn't mean it, he was pretty drunk even if he didn't seem like it at a glance."

"No," said Glenn. His voice was scratchy and hoarse from all the crying. What a weird sensation it was. "No, he was right. Maybe not everything, but he was right to be angry with me. It's fine," he sniffed one more time. It was going to be the last, he couldn't function like that. "Is my presence required?"

"No, it isn't. We have time if you wish to stay longer. I can leave too if you need me to."

"Do you come here often?" Glenn asked instead because it was obvious it wasn't Dimitri's first time in the attic. The man hummed quietly and walked closer, lighting a couple of candles on the shelves with the one he walked in with. 

"From time to time. Lately, I've been neglecting this room a little that's why it's so... dusty," his king looked a little bashful. He started moving around and correcting random things laying around, probably not to look at Glenn. He could appreciate that. 

"Should I think of it as a positive thing?"

"I think so. Don't feel rushed because of it, please. We heal differently and I think you've just started. And I should apologize that we didn't see it before. We should push you more, maybe, to take that rest."

"No," Glenn sighed. "No, it was me being stubborn. You've done all you could. More than enough, really," after a moment he looked up at the painting. "He looks... happy."

"Both of them were. Extremely happy. You know, Felix never was- well, not never-never- but he wasn't that good at expressing himself. And then they announced they're getting married and- his face glowed. It was probably the first time I've seen him so happy since ever, maybe." Dimitri huffed a sad laugh and stopped talking, looking at the painting too. 

"Was it really that bad? After I-?"

"...we never did tell you, in the end. We thought it would hurt you and you already were-"

"Miserable. I get that. I thought so actually, but I never had enough courage to come right out and just ask about it. I don't think I wanted to know."

"And do you want now?" the man asked, already sitting next to him on the floor. Already knowing the answer. 

"Dima, I sat here for hours now, looking at this painting. It's stunning, it's beautiful. It's the only link I have to Felix right now. All of his belongings are Sylvain's, all of his memories are with you all. I have only this picture of his face and even that- even that is fake." Glenn could not help but think of an artist deeming the scowl on his brother's face unworthy of his art piece and imagining a different expression to plaster there. 

Dimitri seemed caught off guard for a moment, but understanding dawned at him pretty quickly. "The story about the broken leg? Don't think too much about it. Indeed, it wasn't exactly the face Felix was making that day." he chuckled quietly. "But the artist who created it knew Felix as a friend, he wouldn't paint anything that wouldn't be 'Felix' in the end. A rare smile, I agree, but not impossible," he concluded and both of them turned back to the painting. "Shall I start from the beginning?"

"Yes, please."

The man jerked awake and instantly pain ignited every nerve in his body. A quiet sob left his lips and he would feel so humiliated and pathetic if not the darkness in the room shrouding everything in shadows, and cold hands caressing his forehead, checking temperature most likely, and soothing shushes. A damp cloth was put on his head once again. 

"It was a nightmare, dear. You should go back to sleep."

"No. I have to-"

"Winter is just around the corner, my child. You aren't going to go anywhere, not like that. The Freyr's Pass had already closed off too." the woman said and it sounded as if she was saying it for the hundredth time. "Only when the Lone Moon will rise can you go through there again."

He could only relent and soon after the wave of exhaustion hit him. He fell under and didn't wake up again that night.

"Are you for real?" Sylvain's voice rang out in the silence of the meeting room.

"Positive. We know where they are." Ingrid grinned from across the table and slammed her hand on one of the valleys on the map. "Our scouts found hidden caves here. Kilometers of tunnels underground, all connected. We all had thought that it is just the place where that one mine collapsed all those years ago, but they've managed to clear the back entrance and have been there goddess knows how long."

"When should we be ready to attack?" Dimitri asked in a commanding voice, his head resting on his joined hands at the head of the table. Glenn felt a pang of pride in his chest. 

"Before the winter starts for real. There's still a month left and we have to move soldiers, but we should manage. No, I'm sure of it. Give us two weeks, that should be enough to come back home before the storms start to hit." Everyone nodded seriously. 

"Alright. Thank you for your report. Now, let's move on to-"

The meeting continued, but Glenn wasn't going to stay, after all, he was on the leave for the next half a month. It should be enough for him to figure out what was he going to do and enough for his leave to end before the raid. Glenn had to take part in it. It was unarguable.

An arm looped around his own and suddenly Sylvain fell into the step with him, going towards the courtyard, without missing a beat. 

"So..." he started.

"So?"

"You're going?"

"Of course I am. You are too. We just have to-"

"Get through Ingrid." Sylvain hummed amused, but his eyes were cold. Then they turned the corner sharply and almost crashed into a young girl. The coldness disappeared from Sylvain's face instantly, covered up with kindness. "Let me help you." he offered, pointing at the books now spilled on the floor. 

"Oh! Oh, no. I'm sorry. I'm so clumsy, you see, my lord." she bowed and started picking them up. Both Glenn and Sylvain joined her on the floor to help. She could not stop apologizing and thanking them over and over. 

"It was us who walked too fast. We're sorry," said Glenn giving her the last one. 

"No! I just can't get my head out of clouds lately, you see," she turned red under the scrutinizing eyes of a knight. Glenn Fraldarius was basically a legend! 

"Something good I hope?" Sylvain winked flustrating her even more. He got an elbow in ribs. "Hey!"

"I hoped to be back home at this time, but I'm stuck here now, you see. Because of winter. It gives me a chance to earn more, of course. But..." she sighed heavily. 

"Homesick?"

"Homesick and worried, my lord. My grandma, you see, took in a stray some months ago and I'm worried about her. Winters aren't easy in the Kingdom, so I can only hope they will help her out." her voice turned into a whisper. "Or that they aren't a murderer."

Awkward silence enveloped them for a second before the girl broke off the spell. 

"Oh, I just had to blubber that out loud. I'm so sorry, my lords. I should go now. Thank you and goodbye." she bowed again and hurried off, not even waiting for a response. 

"Weird," Glenn said, looking after her. 

"Aren't you nice." Sylvain scoffed and turned to continue their way.

"Weird doesn't have to be an offensive description."

"Fallen in love yet?" the man smirked.

"Shut up, Gautier," he responded, short chuckle following. He fastened his steps and soon it was his arm looping through Sylvain's. "We were talking- Ingrid, was it not?"

"Yup. We just have to show her we're stable enough."

"Are we stable enough?" he asked, even though he knew the answer wasn't that easy.

"Listen, I just want to- I don't know. To pay them back for what they did. I can't just sit happily knowing they're out there free and unpunished, drinking and dancing on Felix's grave." Glenn's hand tightened on Sylvain's biceps. "Exactly. You understand."

"How could I not?" he murmured back. 

The courtyard was lightly covered in snow, but the sun was still peaking from the cracks in the sky. They had time. 

As they'd thought, Ingrid wanted to completely cut them out of the raid plan. She tried to argue, threaten, but ultimately her heart too- it still ached and maybe it even had gone soft a little ever since the whole mess started. When they had talked and opened up, not for the first time, even though it was the first so genuine and willing, and promised to be on their best behavior aka not kill the bastards, she agreed to take them with her. 

Two weeks passed in a flurry, readying everyone, this time a bigger group. How had the bandits managed to crush Felix's battalion was still a mystery and no one wanted to risk any surprise. As a Captain, Glenn soon gave up on his leave and started working even harder than anyone else, falling behind just after Ingrid. 

The same afternoon Sylvain won a little bet. 

Soon, they were positioned a short distance from one of the entrances to the caves. 

They had managed to not only gather and move their soldiers, Glenn's rebel friends too found themselves placed in the battalion. 

It was weird to see them again after such a long time, but Glenn felt happy, somehow. The kids he taught weren't present, but other, more mature people were enough. People and their stories about how they had gone back home and found happiness or heartbreak. 

And what was weirder was that Glenn somehow had missed their presence in the capital. And they were there, on their promised 'thank-you party', drinking and dancing and celebrating just under the castle's window during one of the weeks of Harpstring Moon. Glenn hadn't noticed. How had that happened?

"Huh? Were you there? Not for long, only on the first day. But we talked and you drank some and went to sleep." said Adrian, one of the men amazing with axes. He was sharpening one of them on his knees. 

Glenn blinked at him. He couldn't remember. 

"Yup. We were really pissed at you, to be honest. Leaving without a proper bye and then ignoring us for our whole stay. Not nice. But then the King told us about your brother. I'm so sorry, man." Samantha, sitting on the other side of the fire, said. 

"It's me who should be sorry. I honestly don't know what happened."

She smiled sadly, knowingly.

"Grief works weirdly."

It was the night before the raid when everyone was already asleep in their tents, and the only sounds were some drunks singing national antem to the rhythm of angry shouts of those, who actually wanted to sleep.

"I haven't seen you since- hm..." Sylvain whispered into the dark, knowing the figure sitting by his bedside heard. Actually, he shouldn't even have to talk out loud. It was part of him after all.

"Very good. You learn." Felix said, his eyes burning rings of amber, despite the darkness. "You just chose to ignore me. Stop projecting me. I was happy, what happened?"

"I think I wanted a proper goodbye."

The man didn't even look surprised. "I'm not Felix. You know that."

"You're not, but you... helped me. A lot. Thanks."

The figure started laughing suddenly and hid its face in his bed. Sylvain's heart clenched at the sight of shaking shoulders and long hair spilled on the sheets, so familiar and so missed.

"Not nice."

"You didn't want me nice," it said, kindness lacing its words. "The only person you have to thank yet is yourself. Give him some credit will you?" 

"You were a beautiful dream." Sylvain managed to say before his arms moved to cover his eyes and his throat clogged. "Truly."

Warm sensation cupped his cheek for a second, before disappearing. 

Goodbyes could be heard from the tent of the Captain too. Could be, but no one would actually hear them that night or any other. Those were the last ones.

When Glenn walked back to the tent after briefing he was expecting a child curling up in the corner. But no, Felix was sitting in the chair, in the same pose as in the painting. Just his palm was laying on the table instead of on Sylvain's hand. His face turned to him slowly when he closed the curtain. 

"Not five anymore?"

The ghost smiled. "Fortunately."

"I haven't seen you-"

"-around? No." Felix's voice was distorted as if Glenn was hearing it from underwater. Now, when he started to pay attention to such detail, he could see that even Felix's silhouette wasn't that clear to begin with. He would never get to see his brother as an adult properly, it seemed, but it was fine, it was enough. A painting. Maybe he could commission an artist to make a copy of it. He would hang it in the hall of their predecessors in the Fraldarius estate as memorabilia. He needed to come back and find one of their Father's to put up too. 

"If this is the divine punishment I will not resist," he said instead of hassling with unimportant at the moment concerns. 

"Is your goddess so merciless?"

"I have no insight into the matter I'm afraid." Felix just looked at him dryly and bemused. Or at least Glenn thought he did. 

"The road ends here. This is quite enough." the figure stood up, looming over Glenn. "After tomorrow, I believe you'll be able to walk forward on your own."

"Who's the judge?" 

"You yourself." the voice said as if it was obvious. "You let the child-Felix disappear. Why can't you do the same for me?"

And there was still a gash in Glenn's heart. It would probably never heal completely. But it wasn't a gaping hole anymore, so he let himself believe, for a moment, that it would be alright. He'd seen Dimitri at peace, Ingrid wiping her tears away, Sylvain laughing, loud and booming. Maybe after some time, he would be able to do that too. 

Maybe he didn't need the shadow of his brother guarding him anymore. Maybe he didn't have to observe Fellie dying time and time again in front of his eyes, making him relive his failure. 

There was no way the guilt would fade into nothingness, but with that, he could live. He already had, for years. 

"Alright," he said. Even before he opened his mouth, the ghost was gone.

Dimitri slept through the night, knowing that Felix would- maybe not exactly praise him, but he would look at him with that sparkle in his eyes when he was happy with him. He would smirk too, showing some teeth, as if the idea was his to begin with. 

But as it was, Dimitri hadn’t seen the ghost ever since silencing it. All of the others were there, and maybe that figure stayed too, but it had lost everything that made it ‘Felix’ and had faded into a black mass of faceless beings. 

So Dimitri slept. 

The attack started at the sunset the next day. Kingdom soldiers used three of the five entrances, two had been blocked by the mages even earlier. The corridors were spiraling up and down, left and right, so it felt as if even one step into the shadows would cost someone their life or sanity, but no one was running away. Noone turned back. It was- that was it. The conclusion to months of grief and sadness. It was a chance to avenge all of the fallen friends, parents, siblings, lovers, and protect those people who weren’t yet affected.

And so the blue uniforms spilled down the caves, like waves, like river currents, down the corridors, looking through every nook and cranny of the stone rooms, one after the other. Blood soon followed. There wasn’t often much opportunity to arrest bandits without a fight beforehand. What happened next was something everyone had been anticipating. 

Mages with fire dancing on their fingertips broke through the front ranks, going straight for the King, of course. Before they even managed to get close, before they even managed to get through a wall upon a wall of soldiers, Annette, being protected by Mercedes, like a storm, barely a hazy figure seen through the wind magic covering her from head to toe, cut into their group, leaving only unconscious bodies in her wake. 

"Haven't seen that in a while." Sylvain laughed. "She's incredible, I told you and you wouldn't listen."

Glenn closed his mouth with a click. "...yeah, well... she doesn't look it." he finished lamely looking as Annette took another wave out, this time with Ashe by her side. "Why are we even here?"

And Sylvain laughed again, before joining his battalion in the battle with those bandits who now tried to flee. 

Before the dawn woke people living in the nearby villages, all of the criminals were tied down and ready for transport to the capital. It was weirdly peaceful in the camp after that. Only 7 soldiers were in an immediate need of medical attention, which monks and priests took care of fairly fast. 

Noone pitied the bandits their bruised faces or some minor cuts. 

They had to rush to the Fhirdiad fast, to make it before the first winter storm hit. It wouldn't be pretty otherwise. 

So they packed all the tents once again, after two days of rest, instructed arrested of their rights and what would wait for them in the city, and they went, leading the small army throughout the lands, back home again. Back to the castle. 

"Are you going to go back to Gautier, Sylvain?" Dimitri asked on the second day of their journey back. 

The man startled on the horse. He got lost in his thoughts again, as he often did then. "Uh, I should, shouldn't I?"

"You're welcome to stay in Fhirdiad, you know that. Besides, you know this winter will be hard to go through even in the capital, not to mention in the north of the Kingdom. Maybe you should even call your people back south"

"Merry's not going to come." Sylvain sighed and in Glenn's mind popped up an old man with green hair. "You know how stubborn he gets. No one can persuade him to leave his post and no other person will move from there if he's not going."

"A journey in this weather may be dangerous. I will write to Merry, talk it out. He will take care of your- your's father mansion."

"I don't doubt that. Sure, yeah, I'll stay. It would be too empty either way." Sylvain ended the conversation and fallen behind to start one with Mercie, riding the cart some distance away. 

"And you?" Dimitri turned to Glenn this time. It was obvious he wanted all of his loved ones in the capital, so Glenn had only one answer.

"I'll stay by your side, your highness," he said and smiled at how the corners of Dimitri's mouth crinkled with amusement.

"It's Dimitri, my friend."

"Dima then. I will have to go back to Fraldarius soon, to- see some things for myself. Clean up. See how the servants managed to keep it in good condition. I probably shouldn't ask about how Felix was going about that?"

Dimitri chuckled and shook his head. "Felix wasn't that good. He tried to manage the estate, but in the end, he left it in the hands of the most trusted servants. Altea and Boris, do you remember?" 

"Of course. But they should be-"

"Ancient? Only a little. Altea's still crazy about bees."

Glenn remembered that pair, a little eccentric, but full of affection towards their family and responsible to a fault. "Not the worst choice."

"No. And then he and Sylvain started to build this mansion at the border of Gautier and Fraldarius. So they would be able to live together and still be in control of their lands. It's unfinished. Now it probably never will be." Dimitri lowered his voice and took a calming breath. "So Felix never really did take care of it, the Fraldarius estate. But you should visit, it's yours after all. Altea will probably try to charge at you with a broom, but Boris will take care of that."

"Thanks for the warning. Still, there are too many things to do in Fhirdiad for now. I will probably stay some more and then try to navigate through this whole mess with noble responsibilities." his head hurt just from thinking of it.

"I'm sure you will manage just fine. And we're here to help if you ever need us to."

Glenn told himself that it was snow, white and sparkling, worsening his vision. 

The leader of the gang was an heir to one of the fallen noble houses- Chauncy Mallory Lestair. He looked mediocre, not very high, not very short, young face, blue, short-chopped hair. His notes at the academy weren't exactly high but weren't bad either. He had some allies, some enemies. A completely average person. Sylvain couldn't help but wonder. 

The only outstanding thing about him was his perfect control over fire magic and charming demeanor he tried to use on judges for the fifteenth time in the span of half an hour. No one was going to let him walk free, of course, but it was entertaining to see him try to talk his way out of it. 

"Mr. Lestair, I ask you to stop unnecessary commentary. Now, if you will, there are questions submitted by various citizens. We hoped you could shed some light on the situation. That's the least you can do." said the judge, an elder woman with steel in her eyes. Sylvain took a liking to her and her assistants instantly. 

It was a public trial, held in the open air, on the city square. People crowded by the edge, trying to catch the best view and hear clearly what the verdict would be. What the price would he pay. Everyone perked, wanting to hear about the attack from all those months ago. 

Many fears were confirmed, soldiers had been either drowned or sliced and then thrown in the river. The raid was so successful because they attacked silently as a summer breeze, first killing as many soldiers as they could without alarming anyone, and then going for more trained personas. Of course, not in a one-on-one fight.

"Duke Fraldarius is one of the fallen. He was of the highest rank. If you acted any differently with him, if there is a way for remains to be found or you can clue us in any way-"

"A duke? There was a duke? Ha!" Lestair spat. "Haven't seen that coming. Can't remember anyone pristine and noble."

"He didn't look like a noble." Sylvain leaned on the rail of his balcony near the judges. He had to look furious because, even though his voice wavered, the man cringed and bowed lower in an already uncomfortable position. "Long violet hair, blue coat. His eyes were amber."

Some recognition sparkled in the criminal's eyes and he laughed out loud. There was something in that laugh, sinister and dark and unnerving. Glenn tugged Sylvain down to sit and kept his hand on his arm, Ingrid doing the same from the other side. There was no need for Sylvain to play the role of executioner. He just glanced at them annoyed. 

"Yes! There was! Oh, fighting with him set my blood on fire, I swear. He was evading so swiftly, getting out of the was so fast. He even got me! See?" he lifted his chained hands and revealed a healed scar on his shoulder. "But when his blade was preoccupied I got him! Sliced his blue coat to pieces, set fire to his skin, chopped off his beautiful violet hair. I could see flames reflecting in his _oh, such amber eyes_ ," he mocked, focusing his sight on the balcony where Sylvain sat. Suddenly he lost interest and sat straighter. "I played with him some more after that. And then I pushed him into the water. There was nothing to do with him anymore. Oh! I took his right arm, couldn't even hold up his sword with the other one, so my clue is to look for a skeleton without it. Maybe that will help you somewhat," he shrugged and sealed his lips after a yawn. 

The silence enveloped the square.

Somewhere higher, on one of the balconies, the door slammed shut only to click open again and close gently after all of the people there left their seats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and also take care of yourself and stay safe 😷


	7. Sunlight

Winter had been harsh. As everyone predicted it was even worse than the previous one, but fortunately the city walls were able to hold everyone inside and keep them warm and safe and sated. It was a little cramped, but Kingdom citizens knew how to take care of their friends in need and how to battle cold, so it was all under control. Only when the first day of spring came and melted away some layers of the snow did people left their warm houses and started celebrating.

How cramped the streets were then!

"Put a shirt on before you poke someone's eye out!" Sylvain cried out at the sight of Dimitri's bare chest. The man just stepped out of his bathroom and was standing in the middle of the room, with just a towel on his hips. 

"Sylvain, what are you doing in my chambers?"

"No, really. I'm serious, put a shirt on. It's freezing."

The man looked at him some more with confusion on the face, before changing in the clothes that were waiting ready on the bed. 

"Yeah, better," Sylvain said at the questioning look. "Anyway, I'm leaving. For the Gautier. Have to see if it's still standing and all." 

"Oh, I thought-"

"There's still time? I could probably stay a week more, but I want to have that out of my hair. The faster the better," he said evasively, but Dimitri had to catch the sad look in his eyes because his expression turned more gentle.

"Will you be passing through Fraldarius?"

"Obviously," he huffed.

"I don't doubt you will find an appropriate place for him to rest. It's been such a long time already, wasn't it? Send him my regards, please. I'm afraid I won't be able to visit him for quite some time."

"Sure, understandable. He probably wouldn't want you to either way." Sylvain didn't manage to bit his language not to let the last comment slip in that manner. His eyes widened. "I didn't mean it that way-"

But Dimitri just chuckled. "I know what you mean, don't worry. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want me to sacrifice my work here for some 'pathetic weeping' at his grave."

"Do you think we'll be okay?"

"I think that the time passed for us to grief. Spring just started, maybe that will be able to help us heal some more, but the scars will stay just where they are," the man lifted his hand to his heart. "I won't lie it doesn't hurt, but-"

"Yeah, I understand. I think." Sylvain glanced at his friend and something in his expression pushed him for one more act of bravery. "I've seen his ghost after he died." 

"A ghost?"

"More like a trick of my own mind. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, you would probably help more than anyone with, you know..." he moved his hand around, wanting to express what he meant. "But, I don't know. It was too much and-"

"Is it still around?"

"No. It went away last fall."

And two old friends were staring at each other with some silent agreement. With some silent pride in what they'd achieved. 

"Someday, tell me more about it," Dimitri finally said. Sylvain nodded and before he could overthink it, he walked closer and threw his arms around the other man. 

"That's awkward, but I don't know what else to do," he said after patting his back a couple of times. 

"See you later, Sylvain."

"Your highness."

"Are we ready?"

"Ye-es!" a girl called out from behind the cart and giggled at Glenn staring at them with a stern expression. 

"It's not a field trip."

"But it's exciting, you see!" she tried to argue, but Glenn just threw her the next blanket to pack. "Oompf."

"Don't throw things at girls! Never." Sylvain threatened, but a smile on his face betrayed his amusement, so Glenn just rolled his eyes and turned to the little farewell party behind them. Dima, Ingrid, Mercedes and Annette, Ashe and Dedue.

"Be careful, alright? No going off the beaten track to fight some thugs, no hunting on somebody's property." Ingrid started to point out but was quickly stopped by Annette flinging herself at the man and hugging him tightly.

"Oooh, I want to go with youuu."

"Hmm?" Mercedes hummed from next to them. She was smiling as always. "If you want, you can, dear."

Annette's head whipped towards her. "Really?" she squealed, but quickly went back to being more serious. "No, I can't. I promised I will help you out with Derek's case and then..." she trailed off trying to remember.

"Of course, they're taking some people with them for security, but one more mage won't hurt. And one as skilled as you, Annie, they can't refuse. I can manage Derek myself and I think some time off will do you well." a lot of words were left unspoken, but of course, Annette and Mercedes were well versed in the art of communication without them. _Go and let him rest, Annie._ Mercedes' eyes seemed to say. _I'm going to be just fine. I'll wait._

"Merciee!" the woman changed her hugging target and hid her face into the crook of Mercedes' neck. 

"So? Are we set?" Sylvain asked walking up to the group.

Many farewells were said that morning, many godspeeds. Everyone exchanged good wishes and hugs and some gentle kisses, on hands, on cheeks, on foreheads, for luck and protection. To remind them they're not alone.

"Hi! I'm Annette." Annette introduced herself to the girl on the cart. They were going to spend some time together on in, so they could as well start with exchanging names.

"Oh! I'm Gemi." the girl shook her hand and smiled politely. 

"I'm sorry, but you do not look like a warrior. How did you manage to convince Glenn to take you with? He's so picky about his companions."

Gemi giggled. "Oh, you see, these two lords bumped into me one day, last fall. I mumbled something about wanting to go home and they remembered! So they'd found me some time ago and proposed their escort. I'm so lucky," she sighed, clearly relieved.

"They're kind like that. And what do you think about-"

It was going to be some time before their next stop and Gemi seemed nice. Annette could even get a friend out of it! 

It had been a long time since Glenn traveled like that, with only a horse and a cart, a small group of people. The last time would probably be with his rebel friends. A year had passed. Or maybe he was so unaware of the passing time he hadn't even noticed. It took him some time, but he had finally got to remembered when they'd visited Fhirdiad in the summer.

As promised they'd been rewarded and a big feast was organized to show the Kingdom's appreciation for their hard work throughout the war. Glenn should be there too, on the square, talking and laughing with his old comrades. Listening to their jokes about his new position, knowing they were just as happy as he was. Getting to know their plans for the future, no longer blurry dreams of the end of the war. 

But he barely even registered something was happening back then. In theory, he'd known what was happening in the city, he thought he even talked to one of the leaders. At the same time, that time in his life seemed like a torn page from his book. Missing. Grief had covered his senses and nothing mattered, but work for the country. 

But it was so lovely to spend time like this. Sometimes in silence, but knowing there's someone at your side at all times, sometimes talking and joking about nothing, or reminiscing about old times. Dreaming about the future. It felt like he was alone for so long he forgot how therapeutic it is to be around others. 

Maybe it would be a good idea to reach out to those he ignored in the favor of mourning and see what they'd been up to.

"What are you thinking about?" Annette asked one evening. In the next 2 days, they should be dropping Gemi back at her village, and then the road to Fraldarius was easy. 

"About the estate. I'm not going to stay there, I have my responsibilities, but I have to talk to Altea and see if she's willing to take care of it for some longer. And if not, I'll have to find someone new for that position and that may be... a mess."

"Tell me about it." Sylvain chined in, sitting down on the log beside him. "Merry's not getting any younger."

Annette made a face. "That's not a very nice thing to say." 

"It's the truth though."

The fire before gave out a couple of sparks. 

"Sylvain." Glenn started. There was something he was curious about.

"Hmm?"

"I've heard from Dima, about the house on the border. What's going to happen to it now?"

Sylvain glanced at him but ultimately chose to tilt his head back and look at the starry sky, his gaze lost somewhere.

"I mean, it lacks interior, but I don't think I'll ever get around to finishing it. Living there would be pointless without Felix. I thought about changing it into a school, actually. They have a clinic already in the nearby village so- a school. It's not very big, but there's not a lot of children there anyway. It'll be perfect." 

"I see. Where is it exactly?"

"Next to the lake, the one Felix fell into once, the Aleya village."

"That's... surprising." Glenn could not help but comment. "It's far from any bigger city."

"Nah, there's this new one, something on G? It was build up some time after your death and it had grown into a pretty big city these couple of past years. It's still a day or two on a horseback, but much closer than Kirina."

"Why there?"

"Felix really liked lakes," Annette said from the other side of him. "I mean, that sounds silly, but hear me out. I think that even Felix got fed up with the war and constant fighting. He loved it, don't get me wrong, but there's something very different about sparing or training and actually taking people's lives. I think he didn't differentiate for a long time before it hit him."

"Something like that, I guess." Sylvain followed. "You know that even when we were children all that surrounded us were war games and talks about our noble duty and how we have our responsibilities. Then the rebellion in the west happened and it just solidified the idea that it's something he has to do without objecting. Even though he hated chivalry I think he was one of the few who followed its rules. Mostly."

"And then...?"

"The academy happened, he met different people. Flayn played a big role in it, I think. She'd always talk about peace and the future."

"Yeah. Then the war started and ended faster than we thought it would and it was finally the time to start living that future," the man sighed. 

"Felix grew to like the idea of settling down somewhere. Somewhere quiet for once. Lakes held a lot of memories for him, I think."

"He would get bored so easily and would whine at me to spar with him." Sylvain giggled.

"He would totally send me hundreds of letters complaining about the stupidity of trainees you would take in from time to time, or town people. But he would grow to like them."

"He already liked the town's folk and vice-versa. It's hard to be intimidating when half of them still remember you in diapers." Sylvain added and Glenn had to laugh. Aleya's people had tended to treat him like a child even after he was knighted, so he could easily imagine how it looked like.

"I'm sure you two would be... very happy there."

"Yeah, we would have been."

"A Fraldarius sitting still. That would be the first."

"Please." the man snorted. "Felix would just travel back and forth between Fhirdiad and our estates. I would follow him around." Annette giggled softly. "But there would always be a home to come back to if we needed to. A place to store our things and all the memories."

"Sounds wonderful."

"Yup."

"Will you be alright?"

"Yup. I'll be just fine. I don't think I'll ever marry again, but it'll be alright." none of them wanted to correct him, saying he and Felix weren't married, because for all they knew it was true in all the sense but official. "I'll be alright."

And if the same night both of them admitted to having seen Felix's ghost before and cried over it, it was no one's business. 

They could see their destination, a hill with the silhouettes of houses on it, in the distance. Gimi squirmed in her seat from time to time, excited to be finally home after such a long time, and was telling them stories about everything they were passing.

"When I was 5 I fell down this tree and broke my wrist. Here my cousin fought a bear, you see. Oh! And here, by the well, my sister proposed to her girlfriend."

"Aww, that's cute," commented Annette leaning out of the cart to see better. 

"We're almost there. It was a pleasure to escort you, milady." Sylvain, who was riding close to the cart the whole time to hear the stories, said regrettably. Gimi was a sweet kid to be around. The rest of the journey would probably be quieter. 

"Huh? Are you going to drop me off and immediately leave?" she pouted. "Our village isn't that poor, you see, we can afford to house you a little. At least stay the night as thanks from me. We'll give you some food and your horses can rest, you'll meet my granny."

The three of them, Sylvain, Annette, and Glenn, looked at one another questioningly. 

"If it really wouldn't be too much trouble..." Annette initiated and the two of them nodded along. "What do you think?" she turned to their escort.

Soldiers released a collective sigh of relief. 

"Miss Gimi, even a shed will be a blessing right now," one of the men said. A couple of people chuckled, rest rolled their eyes. 

"Wow, where's the military discipline?" Sylvain joked and it started some light teasing in the group, which brightened the mood even more for a while. 

When they arrived, Gimi was the first one to jump off the cart and into the waiting arms of an elder woman. The villagers had seen them faster and were ready for the arrival, with the fire warming the streets up, warm cups of herbal teas, and meals being readied in every kitchen. 

"Thank you for bringing her back to us," a bearded man clasped Sylvain's arm in a friendly gesture. "We were all worried about how she'll manage for so long, so far from home, but of course, she's not a child anymore."

"Out chief librarian won't stop praising her. She's doing great."

"Then I think it'll only be natural to send her back after some time," the man sighed, but everyone could see how proud he really was. A woman who had to be his wife jabbed him in the side playfully. 

"Will you stay? Of course," she said after leaving her husband in peace. She didn't wait for their answer at all, leading them away to one of the houses. They never intended for them to have a choice, apparently.

"We can't possibly take your beds or anything like that." Annette started protesting, but the woman only smiled. 

"It'll be fine, my child. This house is old Freya's. It's the biggest one and was built specifically to house quests and everyone who needs it. Your people will sleep downstairs and if you don't mind, you'll share a floor with Freya, Gimi and-" something broke in the street and a chain of curses followed. "Goddamnit, Brook. I'm sorry, make yourself at home. There's dinner in an hour, we'll eat on the square. A little celebration, what do you say?" and then she was gone. 

Before the three of them could even process what was going on, Gimi, with her face on fire, stepped into the room and quickly closed the door, leaning on them heavily. 

"I hope they didn't assault you much. Cynthia is a force of nature, you see."

"You weren't spared either, hm?" Glenn asked, pointing at her hair in disarray and red cheeks.

"Hey!" she squealed. "Not fair!"

"Your family is really lovely," Annette said quickly not wanting Gimi to feel embarrassed. "Such warm people."

"Thank you. They'd all raised me together, you see. I couldn't ask for a better family but ugh! they can be overbearing." she reached behind her and tugged an uneven piece of her hair loose and showed them. "See? This lock of my hair is already being glued in some album or something."

The four of them spent an hour holed up in a room, sitting in a circle on the floor and exchanging embarrassing childhood stories. Glenn was winning with the number of them he had about Sylvain, and Annette couldn't stop teasing him about every little stupid thing he'd done at the academy. _That_ , that was unfair. 

"Do you remember Jessica?"

"We don't talk about Jessica!" he screeched trying to cover her mouth even though she was laughing too hard to even try to string a sentence.

A sudden knock on the door stopped them and unwilling they sat down. 

"Come in!" Gimi called out and a person stepped in. 

"They're calling you for... a dinner..." 

"Oh my goddess," Annette whispered somewhere behind Sylvain, but he could not hear her. He was numb all over, his nerves must have fallen asleep. There was just silence in his mind. Silence and then buzzing and then roar, and his hands, and legs, and chest tingled, little sparks dancing along his skin. The reality crashed over him like a wave, like a river current, like a cave he still dreamed about sometimes, like a lid of a coffin-

Like a weight in his lap, like a hand painfully tugging his hair at the back of his head, like a scent of hay and wood and featherbed, but still undeniably _his_. 

Sylvain's hands trembled so hard he was afraid his bones were going to pop out any moment when he lifted them up and crashed Felix to his chest, probably leaving some bruises judging by the gasp by his ear, but he could not let go now. He couldn't do that. It had to be real, it had to be. There was texture under his palms, rough and sturdy, where he was touching clothes, and then silky and smooth when his hand slid into dark hair. It never happened with the ghost, not even in his dreams.

A low murmur was surrounding them and Sylvain shut his mouth realizing it was just him chanting Felix name over and over again. Once his mouth stopped moving a sob followed. With that at least he wasn't alone, Annette was practically weeping next to him. 

The face. He had to see the face one more time, had to make sure he wasn't only imagining it, wasn't only a sick, sick man needing a nap after a really bad breakdown because he'd seen a ghost of his dead fiance and gave himself hope for a happy ending. So catching some hair into a loose fist, he yanked gently. It took him a couple of tries because Felix didn't seem to react at all, but finally, Sylvain could look in his eyes which were tired, shadows under them, but so bright and happy his heart leaped in his chest. 

Without thinking he started kissing whatever his lips could reach, from the tip of Felix's nose, his hair, his cheeks, to the bags under his eyes. He tasted of salt. Or maybe that were Sylvain's tears. He couldn't tell with their faces mushing together.

"Felix. Felix, Felix, Felix. You're here, goddess, you're here. I can-" he pulled him even closer if that was even possible. "I can touch you again and you're you and not someone else and-"

"Who else could I be?" Felix asked, pushing him away just to cup his cheek and connect their foreheads together like he always did in a display of affection and Sylvain couldn't bear it, couldn't bear this familiarity and the tears started all over again, soundlessly leaking from his eyes and landing on Felix's lap.

After a moment hesitant arms appeared in their field of vision and Felix moved his hand from Sylvain's face to reach down and intertwine his fingers with Annette's, pushing their joined hands into his stomach. She sat behind him and hugged him tightly, her face pushing into his back. Judging by the sounds, it wouldn't be long before her tears sank into his clothes. 

Sylvain's embrace tightened, so Felix's head was again on his shoulder and he didn't want to open his eyes again. Felix didn't want to open his eyes and find himself on a thin bed, looking at the unfamiliar ceiling, knowing he was far away from home without a possibility to go back because the snow was so heavy the huts were breaking under its weight, and the storms wouldn't stop for days on end. Losing those hands closed around him in a comforting hug would probably kill him at that point.

But then something made a loud thud a short distance before him. He could feel the vibration in his own knees, so he opened his eyes and looked up and it was-

Glenn couldn't say a word. His knees wobbled when he stood up from the bed and walked closer, but they finally gave up near Sylvain's back, so he crashed to the ground. He didn't even feel the pain. 

And then amber eyes, the same as his own, met his and he could feel his heart hammering inside his chest because _it was Felix_. The real one, no longer dimmed, no longer blurry. He wasn't wearing tailored clothes made from expensive materials, there wasn't any jewelry and his hair wasn't even long enough to braid it properly, cradling his face with gentle locks instead, but it was Felix all the same. 

His eyes widened, surprised and awed. Glenn opened his mouth to- apologize? beg? he didn't know and he never would because no words left it. He couldn't even croak, his throat was too tight. 

But Felix laughed, it was a wet and ragged sound, and after some shuffling, he reached his hand from under Sylvain's arm, who didn't even think of moving, and Glenn caught it, like a lifetime, and he pressed it to his chest before bowing his head to cradle it even more. It was precious. The hand and the gesture itself. 

"I will... leave you alone," Gimi whispered, before closing the door with a smile. 

The village was small, but the celebration roared for the whole night, illuminating even the mountainsides surrounding it with festive lights. Magic and natural fires were ignited on every street and in every window to keep everyone from the cold and to welcome Spring properly in the Kingdom of Feargus. It was a hundred-year-old tradition, but the villagers wouldn't lie and say they weren't a little moved by the story unfolding before their eyes. A story about love lost and found, miraculously. 

And if they lighted more torches or cooked more sweet desserts or sent children for some more winter flowers to decorate the square, oh well. Their guests deserved some praise for what they'd gone through. 

Felix was sitting on a log by the fire, with Sylvain's arm around him while his other hand played with his fingers on their laps. He didn't want to fall asleep, fighting with his treacherous eyelids, but it was a while since he felt so safe and in the right place. It was a while since he'd touched another person. 

He was so tired though. So tired. After spending so long talking about what happened after he'd fallen into the river and what was he doing throughout the winter and answering question after a question to his best abilities, his patience snapped. And even if nobody was willing to leave him alone they'd stopped talking at least. 

Annette was sitting on a blanket on the ground, her head nestled comfortably in her arms that she put on Felix's lap, and Glenn sat on a log next to him. Sylvain was on the other side, not letting go and not moving, just keeping him close. Sometimes he would bump their heads together with a sigh of contentment. 

"What now?" Felix asked.

"Hm?" Sylvain hummed. He was clearly falling asleep on top of Felix's head, so man shook it to wake him up. "You wound me."

"Mhm."

"We were going to go to Fraldarius next to... you know. Figure some things out." Sylvain answered and his arm tightened without him noticing. Felix didn't say a word. "But now if we don't take you back to Fhirdiad right away, I think Ingrid will actually murder us and Dimitri will cry, so I think that's- I mean if you-" he flailed, but Felix was fast to help him. 

"It's for the best. We'll come back home later," he said and everyone understood he didn't mean Fraldarius at all. There was a small house on the outskirts of the Aleya town waiting for its owners. 

"Yes. Home." and then Sylvain reached out, as he did every five minutes, to hold his face and kiss his temple. "And we have to have Mercedes look at that." he glanced at a stump where Felix's right arm should have been.

"I'm sorry, maybe it's not the best time, but-" Annette squirmed a little. "Are we going to address the elephant in the room or...?" she pointed at Glenn. One simple question made the atmosphere tense and thick and she wanted to take it back almost instantly. Of course, she had to babble! Oh, Annette!

Brothers turned to face each other, not the first time that night, and just stared for a moment, before Felix broke the silence.

"If you'd come back, just like that, that past spring, I wouldn't probably be able to forgive you for a long, long time," he said, but Glenn didn't shy away. He looked relaxed, peaceful even. "If I had been in the castle that day... but I wasn't. I was here and I got to know about you months ago from a letter Gimi had sent her grandmother. I laid on my coat thinking how much I hate you-"

"Felix!" Annette gasped, but Sylvain patted her shoulder to make her stop. They needed that conversation. The first one of many.

"-until I realized that I don't. Hate you. Not really. And you still have so much explaining to do, Glenn." Felix looked him in the eyes and he didn't know how much emotion he would feel by doing that. He could only imagine it past months, but his heart did a happy flip in his chest now, and he knew he wouldn't be able to really hate his brother. "But for now let's just- be. And I'm too tired to scream at you."

Glenn was just blinking his eyes more and more rapidly through the whole speech and if Annette wasn't as tactful as she was she would point that out. As it was, she laid her head down once more and closed her eyes. 

"I- And you are...? I mean," Glenn fumbled with his words, not knowing what to say. He wasn't used to- whatever that emotion was. "If you want, I will disappear. I will be gone once I see you're okay, I swear-" a hand covered his mouth. Felix glared at him from behind it and said:

"I got used to the idea of having your around. Don't you _dare_ leave me again."

And it was a beginning. There would come fights, debates, and conversations. But that would be later, after that happiness they felt would become constant and would stop being so noticeable. For now, there was a relief flowing through their veins, all soft and warm. Giddy need to surprise their friends back in the capital joined in soon after, and the fear that still lingered in the back of their head decided to leave them alone for now, for that one fleeting night.

Sunlight streamed through one of their home's windows, into the bedroom, warming up two bodies lying under thick covers and furs. Spring had started already, but that didn't mean any higher temperatures. 

And so when Sylvain awoke with his legs outside of the covers, he cringed and tried to hide them somewhat. Why was he so low on the bed?

After fussing for a moment he noticed he was on the same level as Felix's stomach and so, his next action wasn't that hard to deduce.

"Syl- vain!" _that screech had to jerk awake all the birds sleeping on the tree outside the window_ , Sylvain pondered, laying on the carpet by the bed while Felix was just emanating with angry energy on the bed. 

When the man finally decided to sit up and peak above the mattress Felix was already waiting for him with his best glare. Although with the fluffy blankets covering him up to the nose, it wasn't at all threatening. 

"Can I come back to bed?"

"No."

"Pretty please?" he reached out and tried to catch some blanket, but his hand was swatted away. Gently, so he knew Felix wasn't truly angry. "Babe," he whispered in a conspiratorial tone and tried again with the same result. "I love you," Sylvain purred climbing the bed once again. Slowly he moved to loom over his husband and brushed their noses together and then- plopped down on him.

Felix sputtered under the covers trying to cover laugh, but Sylvain knew that move too well, so he tore the blanket away revealing an amused face that he wanted to kiss all the time- actually, they had time to do just that. So he lowered himself and soon Felix threw an arm over his shoulders to draw him closer, and closer, and-

The cold was still around, uncomfortably creating a layer of imaginary frost on the skin, hair, clothes, and yet, Sylvain never felt warmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so!! The end,, 🤧 although I plan on writing some side-stories (as you can see the ending is an open one, kinda. It just felt right to end like this, but there are still chapters I'd like to write. If you have any idea don't hesitate to tell me ^^) And, of course, I wanted to thank everyone who read, left kudos and commented, it was a joy!! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed 🌸


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